Reuben is already 3 and a half weeks old and I’ve only managed a handful blogs – how I thought I would have more time! Well, I do have lots time. I’m finally making the most of our Sky film package by watching back to back RomComs. But, all the while I’m feeding/burping/holding a sleeping baby/trying to put said sleeping baby down/picking up crying baby… and so the cycle continues at least for most of the morning and some of the afternoon, when Reuben might finally settle in his basket for an hour or so. At least he’s sleeping for longer at night!
So breastfeeding… Apart from the NCT breastfeeding session I posted about back in July I did very little thinking about and preparing for breastfeeding. I knew it was going to be tough but I also figured there’s little prep you can actually do without having a baby to practise with. It’s a learn on the job type of thing…
The first day and night was a bit of a blur of being completely shattered and euphoric at the same time. I don’t remember Reuben crying much to be fed and he was obviously really tired from the Morphine/the being pushed through a small hole experience that took way too long. What he did cry about was me trying to stuff a nipple into him mouth throughout the night. I was told I needed to be feeding him every 3 hours, presumably to make sure that I start producing milk. Thankfully I was in hospital so every time he needed feeding I’d push that magic button that made a midwife come see me, and she’d help me with the nipple stuffing. I have never been so manhandled in all my life but I really couldn’t have given a shit. Unfortunately he wasn’t latching on for more than a suck or two so he was struggling to get any milk. Fortunately I was producing enough colostrum so I could (with the help of a rough handed midwife) self express and he was getting a bit of nourishment that way.
The next day one of the breastfeeding experts (or as my roommate called them, the boob connoisseurs) came to help me to try and get him latched on. We tried sitting up, the rugby ball, lying down and still he couldn’t latch on. I was deemed to have flat nipples and given a nipple shield to try him on and he instantly latched on and fed for half an hour. It worked really well and he then started feeding for an hour, then 2 hours, so the three of us, Reuben, the nipple shield and I, were discharged everyone happy that breastfeeding had been established.
Meet my nipple sombrero
Now, nipple shields are a pain in the arse. Nevermind the additional nipple waving you have to do before your baby is latched on making feeding in public rather embarrassing, I also spend my time whenever Reuben is finally asleep in his basket (he’ll sleep on me all day but putting him down really is a skill unto its own) washing and sterilising nipple shields. I think I now have 9 that are in constant rotation because my little man likes to have a little and often (reminds me of someone else I know).
I was concerned after a few days – actually an emotional wreck is probably closer to the truth thanks to those baby blues – that he would never be able to get off the nipple shields and I would be destined to six months of overt nipple waving and washing and sterilising nipple shields. Or I would have to express all the milk, thus losing my life and gaining popeye’s forearms (I’m having to use a manual breastpump…I did have a wonderful electric one until I dropped it. There were tears that night, let me tell you).
This concern was hightened by my midwife who told me that I needed to keep trying him without the shields as unless I got him off I would get mastitis (a boob infection that makes you feel like you’ve got flu). So, I tried to get him off and he would latch on now but he was in the wrong position so after only a couple of goes my nipples were totally killing me! Back on the shields I went, feeling incredibly dishearten and pretty much a failure. I spent quite a bit of last week weeping over my nipple shield (mainly because I was tired) because he would NEVER get off them and I would get mastitis and feel even worse than I do now…
Thankfully the health visitor (not my assigned one but a nice lady all the same) came to weigh Reuben, confirming that he was getting what he needed because he was now 8lbs (he was 7lb 11 when he was born), and also gave me a bit of support that I was doing OK and I needn’t panic about the shields. She would send a boob expert out to help but in the mean time I should carry on with the shields. When another week followed and no one had been out to see me I called up my health visitor in floods of tears worrying that if I didn’t get Reuben off the shields soon it would be too late.
My health visitor came straight out that day, bless her, and Reuben had put on another 7oz. She also told me that I was doing really well, she didn’t think I would get mastitis as I was feeding him regularly and expressing (she also explained that any build up in your boob can be seen and massaged out, so keep an eye on it), and as Reuben got bigger and better at feeding he should just grow out of the shields. Hooray! It’s not often, I’ve found (and from hearing all my NCT buddies experiences), that you get advice/support that you actually like to hear. So, although I’m not feeding him ‘properly’ and nipple shields are a pain in the arse, there is light at the end of the tunnel and fingers crossed it will all work out. I have a boob connoisseur coming out tomorrow to help me try and get him to latch on, so I’ll let you know how it goes!
I’d love to hear anyone else’s experience – mainly for moral support that we can get through it! Has anyone else had a similar thing with the nipple shield? Did you come out the other side?
I have now stopped breastfeeding – if you’re worried about how you will feel, please do read this post and hopefully it will shed some light and make you feel less guilty all at the same time! xx
12 comments
Rachel on 9-5-2012 at 9:14 pm
Hannah my friend, fret not! I fed Maddy with nipple shields for 5-6 weeks. The sterilising was a pain, but I didn’t get mastitis and she did cope with the transition to unshelled boob. I did have sore nipples for a few days when I stopped using shields. In the end I breasted her for 17 months – until 6 weeks before Zac was born. Oh, and she would not ever take a bottle! I tried several different bottles but she wouldn’t have it!
Hang in there!
Hannah on 9-18-2012 at 9:19 am
Oh good, I was hoping you’d comment, Rachel, as mum had mentioned you’d had a similar experience – good to know you got through it! It’s incredible to think of you with coping with TWO little ones – I’m such a wuss!
Ania on 9-6-2012 at 7:23 am
You are a superstar and are doing amazingly. Whoever said you’d get mastitis was a liar. Mastitis happens when they can’t get the milk out of you and your ducts get blocked (or from cracked/bleeding nipples that cause blocked ducts and infection (as I found wih both of mine
) I soooo wish I had been advised to use shields I did try with lara but it was too late. She was 8 days old and had destroyed brh nipples and I was bleeding all over her face at every feed 
I say keep going as you are and every now and then keep trying without the shields if it hurts get him off straight away. I have no other advice as I was a breastfeeding epic fail lol but I think you are doing an amazing job xxxxxx
Hannah on 9-18-2012 at 9:22 am
you weren’t a failure hun, you were just given shit advice – it’s starting to bug me how much different, conflicting advice there is out there. It honestly is a miracle anyone breastfeeds at all!!
love you and thanks for all your support xx
clair on 9-6-2012 at 9:44 am
hi, i used nipple sheilds on my first for the whole time i breast fed, 6 months in the end. it was my mums idea (not the midwife who would have let me give up) as my daughter was the same and wouldn’t/couldn’t latch on properly, I have big boobs and little nipples. I never had any issues in fact proberly less as i didn’t suffer from sore nipples and i never had mastitis either. I’m due my next in a couple of days and have them packed in my bag ready! i used a little pot and put a few sterilised ones in at a time so always had them handy. I didn’t find them any more of a nuissance just got used to it and it meant i could feed her which was the one thing i really wanted to do.
Hannah on 9-18-2012 at 9:35 am
Clair, my big boobed, small nippled companion, this is incredible – thanks so much for your comment – I’m glad to know I’m not the only one with this predicament!
I am trying to get him off now, little by little, and he will latch on but to be honest it’s me slowing down progress as I don’t want sore nipples! I’m trying to do it a boob at a time as he likes one nipple better than the other – at least then if I get caught short without a shield we’re ok…Good to know it isn’t the end of the world if we don’t get there though.
Thanks again and good luck with you newest little one – you should have had it by now!
hxx
Ellie on 9-6-2012 at 1:13 pm
Ahhhh the fun of breast feeding! I tried so hard but having a baby that fed every 2 and half hours for an hour at a time nearly killed me! I stopped after 3 weeks but really wish I’d carried on but did mixed feeds (yes yes mrs health visitor, it’s not recommended, blah blah blah but you’re not the one going insane with sleep depravation torture!!) I’d definitely try again if I had another bambino. My friends who got past the 4 week mark seemed to have more success. Good luck and be kind to yourself! You’re a good mum however you feed your baby! And a new born is the reason YSL invented touché eclait!
x
Hannah on 9-18-2012 at 9:39 am
Thanks so much Ellie, it is really tough and I should count my blessings that I’m able to feed him at all! Ha! I had to look up touché eclait…I’ve gotta get more help/sympathy if I don’t put on makeup
hxx
Sweetpea on 9-15-2012 at 12:31 am
Hang in there you’re doing great! I’ve had similar problems with my 2 week old. She wouldn’t latch on since birth and I’ve tried everything including nipple shields. Nothing works so I’ve resorted to exclusively pumping. Trust me sterilising nipple shields is much easier than having to pump and sterilise every 2-3 hours. I know how you feel though it’s exhausting, stressful and disheartening! Just do what you can and if it all gets too much, bottle feed! It’s easy for everyone to advise breast but when it’s making you miserable and depressed, the easier option may be the best! Hope it improves for you! x
hannah on 9-18-2012 at 9:44 am
I hear ya sista, expressing would be worse – a friend of mine is going through something similar to you and having to express with a squeeky pump…and when I was moaning to her yesterday she reminded me it’s all about perspectives, remember why we’re putting ourselves through this. For her she remembers that this time last year she didn’t think she could have kids at all!
stick with it hun, and as Ellie says above, you can mix feeds if it gets too much! hxxx
Julie on 10-11-2012 at 3:01 am
Okay, so I’m a bit late to the conversation, but just wanted to reiterate you are doing great! My son and I struggled with breastfeeding and shields only helped for a day or two (my letdown as too slow for him). I ended up pumping and battle feeding him for nearly three months before he really got the hang of it! I also had mastitis since pumping just isn’t as effective as baby at drawing that milk out. Add all this to my already large size (32G before pregnancy – ugh) and it was miserable!
Breastfeeding may be natural but it sure isn’t easy. I am just thankful I was able to get lots of help and support from lactation nurses and my husband to persist. Now my son is two years old, and still nurses at bedtime.
hannah on 10-11-2012 at 7:50 am
Thanks Julie, and serious respect for sticking with it I certainly wouldn’t have done! We’re still battling on with the nipple shields and to be honest they’re not that much of a hassle anymore. He will feed without but only if he’s in an ok mood! I think we’ll get there though…
thanks for your comment xx