Yowzers. Another week passes.
Firstly, I can’t believe that I have a fully grown (pretty much) baby inside me now. Even with the help of this 37 weeks pregnant picture I find it really hard to imagine (courtesy of ask a mum)!
Secondly, I literally can’t keep up and everything is beginning to feel a bit overwhelming. I know when I think about it logically (with Mike’s help) that it is all fine but my crazy baby brain isn’t logical and I barely slept last night for thinking about things. I’m not entirely sure what, just things.
We moved back into our house yesterday after 3 and half weeks away. I’d really been looking forward to it but once we got back the amount that still needs to be done (preferably in the next week so that I can properly relax and let baby know that we’re ready for it to come out!) freaked me out a bit. What were we thinking finishing a whole house renovation 2 weeks before the baby is due (aka leaving us 2 weeks to sort out furniture/doors/a fitted wardrobe (in an awkward space)/odds and sods/etc.)?! That’s just our style.
Mike assures me that it’s all fine but considering he normally has a hissy fit when he does any DIY, it’s not entirely reassuring! Having said that, he does seem to have renewed vigour so I’m guessing his nesting instinct has kicked in too. There’s nothing like a deadline to focus the mind!
The good thing about all this drama is that it’s a welcome distraction for my overactive mind.
Last Thursday I read about Debbie, a blogger from Fife (http://familylifeinfife.blogspot.co.uk/), who sadly lost her baby, Daisy, a day after giving birth to her nearly 3 weeks ago. Until I read Debbie’s story, I hadn’t even considered that this could happen and it’s haunted me ever since. It’s taken until today to be able to talk about it and even now I’ve still had a cry. I feel so sad for Debbie and her family, but with 2 weeks to go, I actually haven’t been able to read more than a few lines of her blog at a time. I feel guilty about it but I really need to focus on being positive. There is so much that is unknown and you really can’t prepare yourself for something as tragic as this.
I realise now that this is why I potentially flew off the handle (all be it, in cyberspace) at the gym instructor. I don’t want anyone telling me at this stage that I could be harming my baby because at 37 weeks pregnant I’m neurotic enough.
This week, aside from stressing over every lack of movement (probably due to a lack of space, until bedtime when baby bean goes crazy), I have been superduper itchy. This in turn has made me worry that I had intrahepatic cholestasis of pregnancy (a liver condition with symptoms that include itchiness, no rash, dark wee and light coloured poo – guess what I’ve spent my week doing?). I don’t. I got the blood test back today. In hind sight I should have continued reading to the bit that said less than 1% of mothers in the US get it.
As a distraction, when I’ve had chance I’ve been focusing on what I can control by reading my hippy guide to childbirth book. I mentioned quite some time ago – when I thought I had all the time in the world – a midwife from the USA, called Ina May Gaskin, when I was discussing where I wanted to have the baby (Home birth verses birthing centre). Ina May has been delivering babies naturally for decades and I really like her style. I feel that childbirth is so instinctive that there is almost no way to get your head around it, you literally have to trust that your body will deliver the goods and know what to do!
And for those who can’t really relax and do that, there’s Ina May with a host of crazy techniques that she has seen work through the years. From loads of bonking to bring on labour to nipple twiddling to help labour progress. This book is right up my street, and while I may be setting myself up for a fall (I’ve been advised that whatever you plan for, the opposite will happen – mums can be so mean to mums-to-be!), I’ve got a few blog posts to distract/help focus the mind/laugh at/whatever you like so long as you are thinking positively xx