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Time for Mum tagged with 'abortion'

if you’re anything like me, you find it difficult to even find time to have a wash, there’s always something more pressing. Here I’m hoping to encourage myself and you to put yourself first a bit more!


One mother's story of how she coped

03 Sep, 2014

An unplanned pregnancy before you have had children can be problematic, especially if you are young. But what choices do you have once you’ve already had children and feel like another would be damaging to you and your family (financially, emotionally, for health reasons, the list goes on…)? I feel that once you’ve had children, the option of an abortion becomes even more laidened with guilt and isolation. There is an extra dimension because you know what it feels like to be a mother.

A little while ago I posted about how a new friend of mine had fallen pregnant soon after giving birth to a beautiful baby. The pregnancy had been long and difficult, and had made her very ill. Faced with a difficult decision and unsure whether to have an abortion or not, she asked for my advice. It prompted me to write this post about abortion and the isolation women must feel making this decision.

I have since published 2 more posts (here and here) from women writing about their personal experience of abortion as teenagers and how they feel 10 years on (there is still guilt, believe me, so regardless of your stage in life, this doesn’t seem to change). And, today I bring you a story from a friend of mine from a slightly different angle. She was faced with this decision when she quickly fell pregnant with her 4th child…

Unplanned Pregnancy After Children

I have been in the same boat as your friend, when I fell pregnant with 4th child, my 3rd was just 7 months old, and my son was 19 months old. I just couldn’t see how we were going to get by, how I would cope? I mean 3 under 3 we would be mad to continue on. So a few days later, after crying for at least 48 hours, I made the desicion to end the pregnancy. Of course we discussed it as a couple and my husband was behind me, whatever I wanted to do.

I painfully called the doctors and booked our initial appointment…

{This wasn’t an easy choice for me to make. In 2007 I went through with an abortion and without a doubt it is the one thing I wish I had never gone through with. My boyfriend at the time didn’t want a baby and so he gave me the choice him or the baby…I stupidly chose him, scared of been alone and a single mummy to 2 children with 2 dads, looking back there are worse things to be!}

As the days went by, I could sense from my husband it wasn’t what he wanted. I would ask and he would say, “No we will do this..it’s easier this way.”

The morning of our appointment arrived and my husband was quiet…too quiet. And, I caught him crying. In that moment I knew we couldn’t go ahead with this appointment. It wasn’t what I truely hand on heart wanted and it certainly wasn’t what my husband wanted.  Yes it would be a struggle, yes people would judge, (don’t they always?) and yes we would hear more than our fair share of ‘Dont you ever watch tv?’…’Are you mad?’…’You need to learn about contraception!’ (yes someone said that to us!)…’How are you going to cope?’…

NOT ONE person was positive, NOT ONE! And someone even said to us ‘One of you needs to get sterilised’…I mean who says that to someone who is pregnant?

And then the time came for our baby to arrive. I couldnt help but love her that little bit more. And, feel a little guilt every time I looked at her that we weren’t going to complete this pregnancy.

As time has passed that guilt has lessened and the guilt is never as much as I would have experienced going through with the abortion. I still feel guilty, 7 years on, that I had an abortion. His/her birthday would have been the middle of May and instead of celebrating a happy occasion with my family, I end up mourning on my own. The baby that never was.

Thank you for sharing xxx

Having now had a child I can see how difficult, verging on impossible, an abortion would be, so I can 100% relate to the decisions my friend made here.

However, I truly believe in choice and that there is a time and a place for abortion. It is all about circumstances and for some it may be important to have an abortion after having children for any number of reasons, from health and wellbeing to financial reasons. That’s not to say the guilt associated with it will be any easier but as Amy says in her story, “Don’t suffer years of guilt like I did because sometimes the hardest decisions are the best and right ones.”

If you would like to talk to someone about having an abortion, the British Pregnancy Advice Service is a good place to start.

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

 

Mama and More
11 Aug, 2014

Yesterday’s post told the story of one mum who had an abortion ten years ago when she had a teenager pregnancy. Today I bring you a teenage pregnancy story from Amy, who writes the blog and then there were four, about her experience of getting pregnant at a very young age and how she has dealt with an abortion.

Teenage Pregnancy and abortion - Click here for Amy's Story http://mumsdays.com/teenage-pregnancy-abortion-2/

I mentioned yesterday my surprise at the lack of a support network for young women going through this difficult decision 10 years ago (has this changed? Or does it depend where you are?). (more…)

Real-life stories ten years on

09 Aug, 2014

Over the next few weeks I have 4 stories from different women who have had abortions. This first story comes from a mother who, 10 years ago, had a teenage pregnancy which she made the difficult decision to terminate. This story, and the one I will share tomorrow, tells the tale of what happened to her on a personal level and how she dealt with the situation over ten years.

Teenage pregnancy and abortion - a real life story ten years on: http://mumsdays.com/teenage-pregnancy-abortion/

A little while ago I wrote about abortion. I gave it a somewhat provocative title, “Abortion – is it a dirty word?” but in all honesty I didn’t know what the current thinking on Abortion is. It still appears to be a taboo subject. After a new friend through this blog asked me my opinion on her having an abortion (she’d accidentally fallen pregnant soon after having her first child), I realised how isolating this decision really can be for women. (more…)

24 Jul, 2014

I was recently contacted by one of the Mums I have been getting to know through the Mums’ Days Facebook Group. She had given birth to a beautiful baby after a long and difficult pregnancy, which made her very ill. The baby was only a few months old when she found out she was pregnant again. Finances were tight, she hadn’t fully recovered and they have no support network.

What should she do, she asked me, should she have an abortion?

Abortion - is it a dirty word? I speak to one mum who is struggling with her options http://mumsdays.com/abortion-is-it-a-dirty-word/

I really felt for her. I remember in those early, difficult months thinking how awful it would be to get pregnant. But accidents happen. And, people cope but it’s hard work even if you are healthy and have people around you to help.

My natural reaction to abortion is to avoid it. Even more so since having a child. I’ve seen how it has affected people I love and so my instinct is to try and help find a solution. But on the other hand, there are times when I can genuinely see why it is a necessary solution. Finances? Your health? The health of your baby? Your age?

My own complex feelings towards this topic made me think about how the person faced with this option must feel. It isn’t illegal to have an abortion, and yet it isn’t talked about. Is this something women go through on their own, afraid to talk to their friends and family? Suffering in silence?

I wonder how many new mums face a similar decision? My friends and I joke about THE conversation you have with your midwife literally hours after giving birth “have you thought about what contraception you’ll be using?” “Errrr…the abstinence method? I’ve still got stitches man!”

But joke as we might, people can and do fall pregnant very easily after giving birth, and let’s face it, even when you are being careful, no contraception is 100% (Just ask my mate who got pregnant with both of her children while she had a coil fitted!). What would you do?

Do I judge my new friend for considering an abortion? Not at all, I am pro-mum and I think it was brave of her to look at it from a practical point of view. Would others feel that way? I just don’t know because we don’t talk about it!

How do you feel about abortion? Is it always wrong or can you see why it would be necessary? Have you ever had an abortion? How did you come to that decision and how did you deal with it afterwards?

If you would like to write about your experience of abortion, please send me your story to mumsdays@gmail.com

Note: What I told my friend to do was to speak to someone with professional training (unlike me) and talk through the options. Everyone you speak to will have their own opinion on YOUR life based upon their own circumstances, but ultimately it is you that has to make the decision and live with the consequences so finding impartial advice is essential. If you find yourself in a similar position I would urge you to do the same. I found this site through the NHS and they offer Pregnancy-related advice: http://www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/therapists. But there must be more options. Go and see your doctor or health visitor but do not allow them to sway you in one direction or another. And good luck xxx

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com