time flies when you're being a mum

Time to Love tagged with 'sex'

It’s easy with little ones to forget about your partner so this category is all about lurve and keeping your relationship alive!


15 Oct, 2012

The Romance Part

Mike and I had our first date on Saturday night! It was 9 weeks since our ‘final date’ when I was 40 weeks pregnant and it felt amazing to be out together especially after our week of being at each other’s throats (which I talked about in Baby Blues – Mike has since been dubbed the man child because of his tantrum over not being allowed to go to the football!). We got Reuben settled at my mum and dad’s house, got ready (that was a trauma in itself, what the freak do I wear? Maternity clothes don’t really work and everything else is too small – not conducive to feeling romantic and attractive, let me tell you!) and then headed out for our 9 o’clock reservation (a full 1 hour past my bed time!).

It was weird to be out, all I do is think about Reuben (he needs a feed, please go to sleep, he’s slept too long please wake up, that was a stinky one, etc) so ordinarily Mike and I do a lot of talking about the little dude. Therefore, I thought we’d have nothing to talk about or we’d only talk about Reuben or we’d be too tired to talk. But we didn’t, it was lovely. Just like old times. And, for a little while I could forget all about doing mum things and relax (which then made me realise that I have a crick in my neck that needs sorting!), and enjoy being with my husband (who is lush and I really fancy!)…ahhh. New mum’s, if you haven’t already, it’s time to get the romance back so sort out a date with your other half! Do it now.

Romance and sex after pregnancy - click here to find out what the 1st time is really like!

The Sex After Pregnancy Part

Now. The next thing I want to talk about is a bit embarrassing because friends of ours read my blog from time to time, not to mention my mum, but I feel it’s important and something all new mums have to deal with (some sooner than others depending upon their own feelings and pressure from the person they might be doing it with…!) and goes hand in hand with romance and keeping your relationship alive. That’s right… sex after pregnancy. Making lurve, doing the deed… S. E. X. As my mum put it after I told her Mike and I had been falling out, she said “you still have to make love even if you don’t want to make babies”.

I’m not going to lie, it took me a good few weeks to feel up to IT. Gradually I began to feel a bit more smoochy and as the weeks progressed Mike made it clear that he still fancied me (phew. Since Mike was fully at the business end during the delivery and ‘saw it all’ as he likes to remind me, there was a chance he may never look at me or my bits in the same light again. It was not my finest or sexiest moment!) and how would I feel about a bit of you know what?

First thing you have to think about, and to be honest when you’re not ready to think about IT it’s probably a bit more palatable, is contraception. Apparently if you’re breastfeeding you are protected from getting pregnant again, plus if you haven’t had a period you might not have ovulated. HOWEVER, people can and do get pregnant within 6 weeks of having a baby. Can you imagine?!?!?! What the f*@%?! You would cry though, wouldn’t you? Secondly I had been advised that you need lube and lots of it.

With that terrifying thought in mind (the contraception bit not the lube bit), it was 5 weeks post baby exit and I wasn’t entirely sure my bits or my head had recovered but Reuben was sleeping soundly, it was Friday night, we were armed with some Rubber Johnny’s so all there was left to do, really, was the do. Get back on the horse.

1. Ouch. I hadn’t felt the episiotomy scar for weeks but it felt like a fracture line and really stung (the next time it didn’t hurt anywhere near as much).

2. I found it difficult to get into it. My head was all baby so I found it hard to, er, let go (again the next time we tried that was less difficult and I was able to relax more and enjoy it). Cringe, I know, sorry but you gotta say it like it is otherwise what’s the point?! Plus, my body really doesn’t feel like my own. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be pregnant but this new body I’ve been left with isn’t nearly as nice as the one I had before, so I feel self conscious about it.

3. Condoms suck and make the whole experience less enjoyable but don’t, whatever you do, use that as an excuse to go bare back. Although it might make for interesting blog reading, we sure as hell don’t want another mini-Mike on the way!!

So, there you have it… sex after pregnancy. Not as bad as I had envisaged, and with time the pain has gone away. I’m now able to switch baby head off and I’ve sorted the condom thing by getting a coil* fitted last week. Now that was a big ouch but I’ve removed the temptation to ‘chance it’ and hopefully I shall remain un-pregnant until I’ve forgotten all about the trauma of the birth and the sleepless nights!

 

*sidenote: I know at least 2 people who have got pregnant with the coil in though so nothing is full proof! Eeeek.

How was your first attempt at sex after pregnancy?!

Do leave your comments below – we’re all friends here!

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

27 Apr, 2012

Courtesy of  SERGE BIELANKO, from babble.com/dadding

Now I haven’t intentionally been thinking about it but sex during pregnancy has popped into my head a few times. For example, a book I downloaded about pregnancy didn’t download properly apart from the bit about sex (so I read it), it’s a topic of discussion amongst pregnant women, etc. so, I’ve naturally got to thinking about it in more detail – enough to want to write about it. Plus, it all counts as exercise, right?

A wee while ago I mentioned some of my pregnant friends had gone off it. And, then in another post I mentioned that pregnant woman can get a libido surge. It’s a bit of a mystery as to which way you’ll go – yuk or yes?

But never mind the lady in all this, apparently it can be just as much as a minefield for men. They too can go off it as much as we can. I can’t imagine anything worse than feeling like a fat, horny blubber whale and your fella saying, ‘not tonight babe, I’ve got a headache,’ which would be interpreted as you look like a fat blubber whale. But, at the same time the advice is to not take it personally, cut them some slack, do other things to be intimate (probably with the lights off), cuddle, etc.

I have recently found Pregnant Chicken, a blog about pregnancy and it is hilarious, please have a good read. I came across this post the other day about sex during pregnancy and more specifically the dad’s role, which sums it up just nicely. I’m not sure if this is the done thing, but it is so funny and so right that I’ve had to quote it for you …

As for you Dads, I recognize that this is a really tricky time. This rockin’ hot woman is morphing into the beautiful mother of you child and sometimes it’s difficult to get in the mood. A baby is involved now. A baby! How can you do dirty things to your baby’s mother?

I’ll tell you how. You damn well think of something and man the hell up because this is your moment, buddy. This is when the woman you love wants to feel sexy, and beautiful, and wanted, so you make that shit happen. You tell her she looks incredible and that you want her just as much as you always have. Don’t tell her that you want her no matter what she looks like – “Luke, it’s a trap!” – because that will be deciphered as her looking not good.

I hear ya sista! – or you hear me. Not that I’m having this issue at home, apparently Mike really fancies me at the moment (massive boobs, nuff said). But, I have read that a chap can get all grossed out at the thought of doing the dirty with a pregnant women and as far as I’m concerned this is exactly the time when your pregnant woman needs to feel good about herself and sexy (I realise I’m just paraphrasing what’s been said above now but it’s just so right!). So get to it.

And, Ladies, if the last thing you want to do is bonk and you couldn’t give a beep what he thinks, then forget this post ever happened.