I’ve hit the proverbial brick wall a bit this week and it all started after a trip to the birthing centre last Sunday that I’ve been wanting to write about but struggling to know/articulate how I’m feeling. I’ll give you the back ground…
When my brother’s little boy, Rowan, was born back in February at home with no pain relief, I thought they were mad! Rowan was Diane’s first baby too and after spending some time with Diane and hearing her experience (and also reading the accompanying hypnobirthing pamphlet, which was just up my street as it was nice and short), I did a total u-turn.
What really struck a cord with me from the hypnobirthing pamphlet was that if a woman is frightened her body will actually slow down or stop the progression of labour until she feels safe again. To my mind hospitals can be quite scary places. All my life, I’ve only ever been in a hospital to visit people who are dying. And, everything about hospitals, to me, is unnatural (i.e. you are surrounded by foreign things that you would never normally see). So I was seriously thinking about a home birth and had read some interesting articles that both from a scientific/research point of view and anecdotally supported home birth and suggested it was no less dangerous (and in fact in some cases it was safer) than a hospital birth. For example:
In the Netherlands, 30 percent of births take place at home — which show home birth to be equally safe for the baby.
(From this article in New York Times)
And this article from Boots, states the following advantages to having a home birth:
- You may be more relaxed in labour and while giving birth, as you are in familiar surroundings.
- You may not have to interrupt your labour with a journey to hospital
- You’ll hopefully know your midwife team
- You’re less likely to have medical interventions
- You won’t have to leave other children or be separated from your partner
- You’re less likely to pick up an infection
However, despite an initial desire to not go into hospital, I’ve lost my bottle. Firstly, anyone you speak about home births almost immediately, without fail, says, “what if something goes wrong” and some add “you’d forever wonder what if I had been hospital”. After a few months of that, I’ve got a bit jaded. But what really was the nail in the coffin was speaking to my midwife. I wouldn’t say she couldn’t have been less enthusiastic but it was down there. And, coupled with the “if something goes wrong it could take 40 minutes to get you to hospital” and the fact that I wouldn’t know my midwife team, I just thought forget it.
So, back to the Birthing Centre. We decided to go look around after this meeting with the midwife, as a kind of halfway house between home and hospital. Firstly, after remembering all day that we had the appointment, we both promptly forgot in the last hour until our phone alarms went off 10 minutes before (and it’s at least a 20 minute drive). We were completely unprepared to leave so I burst into tears thinking we’d have to go another day and I wanted to go TODAY (I hadn’t realised it was that important to me!). Fortunately, they were fine for us to arrive a bit late. Pregnancy panic averted!
Secondly, the Birthing Centre is no halfway house. It is a hospital but just without the doctors. So I spent the first part of the tour feeling uncomfortable and a bit disappointed. Then when I saw the room you would deliver in I was beside myself (I managed to hold it together but I did burst into tears as soon as we left!).
I’ve been trying to work out since what caused me to react in such a way and basically it was the first time I had ever REALLY thought about the birth . Seeing the room made it feel extremely real and for the first time I could imagine it and felt utterly terrified.
I shall come back to that but I should say that the Birthing Centre did win me over. We had a lovely midwife show us around who was amazingly informative (I wish I had taken a pen and paper), and the centre was really quiet and relaxed. When I think back on it now, I’m sure all the midwives were skipping around singing zip-a-de-doo-dah. There are many perks to being in the Birthing Centre including private rooms, extended visiting hours, birthing pool, plus the extra equipment to resuscitate your baby should it need it. The aftercare looks amazing. When I had originally wanted to be in and out of hospital as quickly as possible, the prospect of staying in a bit longer until I find my feet is now a really tempting one.
So, back to the actual birth…what I think really bothered me when I saw the room, was that it represented the complete lack of control I feel about the birth. Like I said previously, it felt completely foreign and that coupled with the fact that I don’t know the person who will be helping me through this life changing experience, must have sent me in to a bit of a panic. I don’t know what to expect and rather than trusting my body (and the experts around me – who I don’t know) to know what to do for a natural delivery, I feel more like I’m walking towards something that is entirely unknown. I guess I’m worried that it will become a long drawn out procedure because I’m terrified, and therefore I’ll end up have any number of interventions that I wouldn’t have needed if I was more relaxed and at ease with my surroundings.
Anyway, I’ve found a really interesting article, thanks to @BelevationMom on twitter, called ”Mommy Wars: The Prequel, Ina May Gaskin and the Battle for at-Home Births”. It’s about a hippy-midwife who has been delivering babies the au naturale way for decades. With no formal medical education, she relies entirely on nature, experience and common sense and has successfully delivered even the trickiest of babies (including breach and very over due).
As we know, I’ve now settled on a birth at the Birthing Centre, however, there’s still lots that can be applied from this article, for example:
Ina May and the midwives believed that a woman’s body would open more easily when the energy in the room was relaxed and she had sorted out her fears. The midwives saw themselves as putting birth back in women’s hands and showing them their true power.’
Yes, it’s hippy as hell but there are 2 key things here. Firstly, we need to sort out our fears and secondly, we have the power to do this…this is what our bodies were made for, isn’t it?! Like breathing, drinking, and eating. Nobody showed us how to do those things so surely our bodies should work it out on its own? So from a ‘facing my fears’ point of view there’s no need to feel out of control or frightened by the prospect of birth. She also suggests the following:
She has found that upright positions, dim lights, eating and drinking and fewer vaginal exams speed women’s labor — none of which tend to be encouraged in a hospital.
The good news is this can be achieved in the birthing centre, so long as I am in control…
I’ve been told by other pregnant friends that I’m reading and thinking about it all too much. What will be will be and all that. But to be honest I’d rather deal with all my fears now (thanks to Ina May!) rather than in the middle of delivery when I wished I’d found out more. So, while this isn’t a complete post (I haven’t even discussed hypnobirthing, water birth vrs the more active birth positions, etc, etc) , it’s at least the start of me dealing with any issues I have. I have 2 more months and I plan to do a lot more reading so that I can, in theory, go into labour feeling in control and prepared. Hippy Hannah!
12 comments
monique on 5-29-2012 at 2:01 pm
This post makes me feel so unprepared! I have given little to no thought on the actual practicalities of giving birth. In fact I just had a ‘holy shit, I’m going to produce an actual baby’ moment, the whole thing doesn’t feel real at all! 2months really isn’t that long at all so I guess I should seriously consider cracking on with giving this birth lark some consideration!!
hannah on 5-29-2012 at 2:15 pm
Eee, sorry for making you feel unprepared – but you’re now as far along the thought process as I am now!! Seriously, it hardly seemed real to me until I saw ‘THE ROOM’ – let me know if you find any good reads! xx
Emma on 6-27-2012 at 3:28 pm
Hi Hannah I’ve just read your post and felt the urge to comment. I’m expecting baby no.3 and, having had 2 lovely homebirths, am hoping for another domestic birth. I hadn’t thought of birth at home as an option for me when expecting no.1. My Mum had induced labour for both of us (to me now it sound as if her body wasn’t allowed to do it’s own thing) so I initially assumed it would be prudent to be in hospital to deal with whatever happened. However I met several pregnant women planning homebirths which put the idea into my head. Then all my antenatal care went very normally and I began to have confidence in my body and how it would deal with labour and birth. Also our local midwifery team (based at a nearby big teaching hospital and seeing women at my GP practice – such a good system!) gave very good antenatal classes and were really pleased to put ‘wants homebirth’ in my notes. All very encouraging. I think the main differences between my situation and yours are the 40 mins journey time to your hospital – it’s maybe 10 mins in an ambulance from my home delivery suite to hospital so transfer would have been pretty quick had it been necessary; and my midwives were very positive about homebirth, possibly because the hospital transfer isn’t such an issue. I must admit a 40 min journey from a hospital might have made me think again. However the birth centre you visited sounds like a good place to give birth. If the midwives are welcoming and you feel comfortable then I imagine your body will respond positively. When I visited the hospital delivery rooms like you I felt quite uncomfortable, as if I would lack control, and thought how much easier it would be to find a comfy position at home with yoga blocks, birth ball and bed for a napping husband (tired grumpy husband being neither use nor ornament!).
At risk of waffling further I’d like to pass on a couple of things I remember from previous births – when I had my first proper contraction I found it quite overwhelming and wondered how I’d manage for the next x hours. I found it really helpful just to think of getting through the contraction I was having rather than worrying about all the contractions I’d have to endure ever. And I found some pressure applied to my lower back during contractions from a willing volunteer – ideally coupled with a very hot tea towel – helped take the edge off the pain. Oh and the birth pool was sooooo nice! Just like getting into a warm bath when you have period pain. And I think it helped with no.2, who was born in the water, to allow the actual birth to be gradual enough to avoid tears (of the ripping kind, not crying!). It sounds as if you’ve really done your homework so with any luck you won’t have a nasty shock when the time comes. Good luck with the rest of your birth research and I hope everything goes smoothly. Don’t forget to breathe! Emma
hannah on 6-27-2012 at 3:47 pm
Hi Emma, Thank you so much for this comment – it really means a lot to hear positive experiences and advice like this! And I love the bit about a grumpy husband being neither use nor ornament – my Grandma used that saying all the time (not necessarily about grumpy husbands!).
Since I wrote this post, I’ve been going to NCT classes so I’m feeling much better and in control overall about the giving birth process and my power to say NO to stuff! I think like your mum, my mum was induced for little reason – apparently both labours were 5 hours and 3 hours for my older brother and I, respectively! Her last labour lasted ages longer and she asked them to break her waters in the end to help progress but she was 17 years older by then…so not sure if that has anything to do with it?
I’m planning to go back to the birthing centre to see if I feel more comfortable and ask a whole bunch more questions of the midwives and hopefully meet a few more of them. But as my NCT teacher keeps saying, I can change my mind right up to the last minute if I do want a home birth. I’m hoping we’ll move closer to the hospital by number 2 as I definitely want a home birth next time! Either that or I’m off to Ina May’s Farm – I recon that’s got to be the best place on earth to have a baby
Thanks again Emma hxx
Emma on 6-27-2012 at 7:24 pm
Hi Hannah, I’m so pleased that your NCT classes have given you more confidence – it is your body and your decision at the end of the day (even the 11th hour!). I imagine age and experience helped your Mum put her oar in 3rd time. I certainly think that now I know what happens during birth I feel more able to tackle a hospital birth should the need arise. A midwife you trust is really great especially 1st time – our local team have been great advocates for friends of mine during hospital births. Don’t forget your clipboard when you visit the Birthing Centre! Best wishes, Emma.
caroline on 7-18-2012 at 10:20 am
hi hannah!
i am 26 weeks and massively in denial about anything post 39 weeks!!! my mantra is that a woman in a coma can give birth so i figure that my body knows instinctively what to do, even if i haven’t a clue so i’m currently consoling myself with that. i hadn’t considered a water birth until i watched a particularly peaceful and (seemingly) easy birth on ‘one born every minute’ (worringly addicted to watching it even though it terrifies me and makes me cry – in a good way!) so i still feel like i have no idea about birthing options but your blog has made me start thinking and doing some research. i’m not sure i’m comfortable with the idea of a home birth as i feel i might be more secure knowing there’s a doctor available just in case, or a neo-natal unit if required – but the advice that i seem to be getting most frequently is just to be open to changing your mind all the time! my cousin had spent a lot of time building up to a natural birth, only to find out that she had to have a c-section (with both pregnancies) and my other cousin ended up having her daughter 9 weeks early so things often change so you’re best not to get too set on one idea as you don’t want to be disappointed!
i have started a little reading into hypnobirthing too and have to agree that the idea seems to make sense that the more fear we build up, the worse it will be so i am really trying to remain positive and in my state of blissful ignorance! i like the idea of a birthing centre but to be honest am keeping all options open until i’m a bit further down the decision track…
thank you for starting the ball rolling though!!
caroline
hannah on 7-18-2012 at 11:29 am
Hi Caroline,
thanks for your comment and congratulations!! I’m with you all the way on that, how can we be anything other than ignorant until we’ve been through it? Anyway, I’m 37 weeks tomorrow and aside from booking into the birth centre (under the assumption that if the baby is late or breech, I’ll have to go to hospital anyway) and hoping to avoid a c-section/intervention/episiotomy, I still haven’t written a birth plan – I’m worried if I do that I’ll be really disappointed if it doesn’t turn out that way.
There’s an upside and downside to talking to women who have been through it all…the downside is the obvious inevitable horror stories you hear (as part of my prep now I’m trying to surround myself with positive stories ONLY!) and the scoffing at your ideas for birth (I don’t see what’s so bad about dreaming of having a pina colada in the birth pool?!), the upside is that a) regardless of what happened to them, they were happy to get their baby out and b) a birth plan doesn’t need to be a script for your birth, more of an expression of your values…I’m still getting my head round that one but now I’ve started my maternity leave I feel in a better place to explore what I’d be open to!
Good luck with it all, hun, and stay positive…Paul McKenna would advise you to imagine the birth in as much detail as possible, make the vision really positive and full of bright colours and keep doing that every day as the more you focus on something, the more likely it is to happen. Might give that a go too! Why not, pina coladas all the way
hxx
caroline on 7-18-2012 at 9:11 pm
eek – 37 weeks!! not much longer for you now
i only stumbled upon your page today and wish i’d found it sooner – what a great read. thanks for your insights, suggestions and humour – isn’t it funny how having a baby can unite a set of strangers?!
hope you get your pina colada following an easy, pain free, quick, totally untraumatic birth – i’ll keep my fingers crossed for you and look forward to reading your next updates!! good luck and how exciting that you get to meet your little baby soon!!! xx
Therese on 12-5-2012 at 11:58 am
So how did everything go? Hopefully much better than you anticipated! I had my first baby in hospital and am seriously considering having my 2nd in a birthing centre. I won’t consider a home birth because it’s a bit too far from hospital if something should happen, so my hubby and I are a bit nervous about that! Anyway, I hope you had a lovely experience and I’d love to hear how it all went! x
hannah on 1-17-2013 at 3:41 pm
Hi Terese, somehow I missed your message! As you can imagine, it really didn’t go to plan…my waters broke and even though I thought/felt I was in labour, I apparently wasn’t
So, we ended up in hospital anyway! You can read the full (and very long) story in this post: http://www.mumsdays.com/the-labour-post/ xxx
Nat on 2-8-2013 at 2:12 pm
I had exactly the same reaction to hospital and birth centre as you with my first pregnancy. I have read your birth post as well and had a not so different experience (transferred from birth centre to hospital due to lack of progress and induced as an experience it all went downhill from there but I got a healthy daughter).
Now I’m due with no 2 in six weeks. I’m also 40mins from hospital and 20mins from birth centre; I’m keen to try the birth centre again as it was a good experience while I was there (and I’m doing hypnobirthing this time).
My question is do you think an independent midwife (or doula) would have helped you a great deal in terms of managing your labour? I’m trying to decide whether I can afford to have one at the birth centre.
hannah on 2-15-2013 at 12:31 pm
Hi Nat, I thought exactly this after having Reuben…next time I’m having an independent Midwife. I wanted one mainly for that lonely, long bit before you go into hospital. Once I was in hospital I felt really well looked after (probably because I was on morphine!) but the 24 hours at home was horrendous and I would have loved to have had some support. HAving said that, I’ve spoken to some of my friends (who are admittedly opinionated without actually (in my opinion) knowing anything about it) and they said it would piss off the other midwives to have them around…I’ve also spoken to someone who’s done some doularing (not a word but you know what I mean) and she said it was absolutely fine and they work well together!
What do you think you’ll do?! xx