I’ll level with you. I’m really missing Mike. I want him home now. Reuben has taken to toting round a little (yet to be framed after 5 years) photo of him and Gabby, shouting “DAD” at the top of his lungs. I think he misses him too. I literally CANNOT wait to see his little face when he finally sees Mike on Sunday. It’s going to be so precious. In the meantime, while thinking about Mike, I was scanning through my photos and I found a bunch of recent photos (all in March) of Reuben with various male members of the family. It’s got me thinking about what a lucky little boy he is to have so many positive male role models in his life.
His dad is around a lot, we nearly always have breakfast together. This is our family meal. He picks him up on a Monday and is normally home early on a Wednesday and Friday. Plus we do lots of fun things together as a family at weekends when we get Gabby back.
Bit of telly with daddy
His Grandad Parker is around at the drop of a hat. He has him on a Monday (with Grandma!) but is always willing to have him if he can during the week. They go on bus and train rides. Eat ice cream at the beach and generally have a great time together.
Reading a classic with Grandad Parker
Then there’s Grandad David (he doesn’t want to be Grandad Bryan – that’s MY Grandad!). You will never know work ethic like my Dad’s. He works for God – was a vicar and now teaches people to be vicars (among a lot of other things). He generally works all day and night and some weekends. And he’s a published author. But despite not seeing him as much, Reuben still thinks he’s great, which is proven by the fact that he wants to snuggle up on the sofa for supper. This is not Mr Independent’s style!
Supper time with Grandad David
Then there’s Uncle Isaac, “Ike” as he calls him. ‘Uncle’ Isaac is my 14 year old brother. What a pain in the bottom he is! I may be 31 but he’s still my little brother. Guess who thinks he’s the bomb? Reuben. Isaac will spend the majority of his time while we’re there shouting at a computer screen, then come down, jiggle Reuben about and then he’s the favourite. Unjust but true.
Playing the piano with Uncle Ike
Then last week we met with my Grandparents for lunch. We don’t see them enough, it was before Christmas when we saw them last and yet Reuben acted and felt like he knew them. You can’t make a kid that age do anything he doesn’t want (believe me) so it’s all truth. It melted my heart to see him holding Grandad Bryan’s (Great Grandad to him) hand as we walked back to the car. As I said in Friday’s Mums’ List, he doesn’t like holding hands!
Walking with Great Grandad (my Grandad Bryan so my Dad’s Dad)
And those are just the photos I have in my phone. There’s more uncles who he also loves! He’s literally tripping over fantastic male role models. Apparently, the root to being happy is to be grateful and I feel so grateful for this.
I don’t know if you saw it but last Friday night Joanna Lumley met Will.i.am. It was an amazing documentary. What a fabulous pairing. Anyone else and I wonder how genuine it would have seemed. It also showed what a gentleman Will.i.am is. I’ve never been his biggest fan or anything, just thought he was an incredibly talented oddbod! Anyway, during this documentary, Joanna Lumley talks to Will’s mother. She was a single mother and in one sentence I was blown away. When asked if she was a strict mum she said something along the lines of, “My mum raised 8 kids alone and none of them went to jail, so I knew I could and, yes, I was strict.” Did you hear that? NONE OF THEM WENT TO JAIL. In that time in their neighbourhood, that was a big deal.
I thought/worried about a lot of things when I was pregnant but I didn’t think about jail. I can’t imagine having a baby knowing that the odds were stacked that he would end up jail. I feel so lucky that that isn’t really a concern. It’s there obviously, but not like for Will’s Mother where Gangs were rife and males went to prison.
It has brought back memories of some people I grew up with, albeit briefly. When I was 10 my family moved to Birmingham. I went to an inner-city school for a year, where the crime rate was high, and there were probably no more than a handful of kids in my class who had dads in their lives. I don’t know the statistics about linking crime with a lack of positive male role models but I do believe there is a connection. I wonder what happened to some of those kids?
Anyway, hats off to Will.i.am who hasn’t forgotten where he came from and is doing loads of great and interesting work with underprivileged people. And, I hope that some of the money you helped me raise for Sports Relief can help people in similar situation.
The other side of this is being a single mother. I’ve only had a week and a half of it and I’ve been a mess. Leaving my phone 30 miles away. Leaving the backdoor open overnight. Leaving the buggy out overnight in the rain. There’s been a lot of leaving going on and Mike is normally the one that makes sure I don’t leave things. I’ve realised that I need to get my shit together and stop relying on Mike for so much! There are some incredible women out there raising children and doing a wonderful job without a full time dad.
Last week I was feeling sorry for myself. I just needed a new perspective. As I take a moment to see how my son has grown before my very eyes (we’ve been having the discussion on the Mums’ Days Facebook Wall about how new pyjamas make us realise that our babies have grown!), I’m just grateful for these men in my life and my son’s life. We both have a lot to learn from them!
New PJs! (I love them – a 2 pack was £7 from Sainsburys for anyone interested, although it looks like you have to go in store to buy)
I hope that made sense! Who are your favourite role models for your children?
I can totally relate to this post. Ray has so many male role models including his dad, my dad, great grandpa, and then there’s Ernie (my granny’s boyfriend?). I am also known to leave everything behind. Two mobile phone charges left in hotels this month alone and my phone in a cafe in Glasgow at the weekend (thankfully retrieved). Oh and didn’t lock the front door this morning either. OOOPS!
Haha! that reminds me…
thanks Joanna xxx
Your son is totally lucky to have so many amazing role models in his life. I’ve never thought about who my son would be if he had my brother, my dad, my nephews and ALL of my many cousins around (all of which live in Canada, that he will most likely see less than once a year).
He pretty much has his dad and once every two week his grandfather (my husband’s father). You’re making me realize that the more exposure he has to loving men the better and I’m going to make more of an effort to connect him with the family he DOES have in Italy.
As for being a single mom….I COULDN’T AGREE MORE WITH YOU. ,My man comes home around 8:00 so I’m usually with my son for 12 hours during the day, but then as soon as my husband comes home I get to relax. I often vacation alone with my son and take him to Rome or the Beach without my husband and I am always exhausted at the end of the “vacation” . With no one to rely on I have to think about everything ….cooking, cleaning, bath time, nap time, bed time, play time, laundry etc. and after 10 days of it I can’t wait to have the support of my husband.
Away time makes me appreciate him so much more and it sounds like you appreciate your man now that you’ve had a taste of the single mother life.
haha! Totally Angie 🙂 He’s back tomorrow, I can’t wait!!!! But yes, I’m glad you got what I was talking about and remember quality not quantity 🙂 If you can see you family in Italy more, then this is a great excuse (hopefully his Grandad will offer to baby sit like mine does! it’s amazing!)
Thanks for commenting Angie xxx
Aww Hannah, I had tears in my eyes reading this post! what a lovely family you have and Reuben is a lucky boy! and it did make me chuckle about your brother hahaha- always the way! Thanks for writing this, you just reminded me how grateful I am about the men in my life too- a grateful heart is a happy heart 🙂 p.s Will.I.am has grown on me too recently! although I have yet to see that documentary…will try to find it on repeat or youtube! xx
Thanks Susan!! 🙂 The link above is to the show on iplayer – I think it should still be available. xxx
Toby has those exact same PJ’s! I love them, he looks so cute in them. Reuben is very lucky to have so many positive male role models. As a single mum I think it is so important I give my boys male role models. Lucky my Dad is around, he is a wonderful Grandpa to the boys.
EXACTLY xxx quality not quantity (I say it again!) lots of love xx
Lovely post! Its lovely that he has so many good role models as he is growing up.. I love the PJ’s too!
They are lush aren’t they – but the tops a bit short!! I think he’s going to grow out of them a bit too soon 🙁 xx thanks for commenting Anna-Marie xx
he’s so well entoured by men in her life 😉
pajamas are a good demonstration of our little ones growing up but also the change of seasons, i took the old clothes from last summer and most of them will finish for the red cross!!!
Lovely post. I love the different pics with the special men in his life. I also adore pjs so will take a look at sainsburys!!! Xxx
Ha! I need to get commission from Sainsburys!! 😉 thanks love hxx
My son doesnt have a lot of male relatives to look up to here. Grandad on dad side is dead. My husband twin brother lives far. My father lives in Manila and all of my small male cousins lives there as well. So its just us parents actually. I know that its good that us parents are here but I grew up in a big family and I love how I can play with people on different age levels and I learn a lot from those playing or just hanging out. I am so jel of you. You are right when you said you are lucky. Great post. #ordinarymoments
What a lovely post and little Reuben is just gorgeous. My youngest daughter (14mths) is not a hand holding either, so I hope that will change soon #ordinarymoments
It’s definitely just come about in the last few weeks. He’s been walking since Christmas so he probably felt like Mr Independent. Now, he’s starting to stay a bit closer rather than wandering off down the street alone (urgh!) and coming back when I call him (when it suits). Simple pleasures in life 😉
Thanks Debs xx
Wow sounds like you have some incredibly male role models in your life. My girls have their Daddy who is the best, and also some wonderful grandpas as well. They are very lucky. Love the PJ’s too and have to say I may be a little bit in love with your blog, can’t believe I haven’t read it properly before. I am now off to add it to my bloglovin reader! x
Awwwww, thanks Katie! That means a lot 🙂 xxxx
Love love the pjs!!! So cute. And what a great thing to have so many male role models in your lil ones life. It’s so important. So much love around him too. Very lucky. #ordinarymoments
🙂 Thanks Jenny xxx
Gwenn is a bit lacking in the above and cries quite a lot when she meets men! She is fine in public, but if she sees a man in a smallish room, like a living room say, she often screams? Maybe she’s just weird? But apart from Andrew (obvs), my Dad and my step-Dad, she doesn’t know many men.
x
#AllAboutYou
I read a book recently about the chemicals and hormones that are different in men than in women (and how they affect different portions of the male brain vs women’s), and the need for male role models is so vital. Having more than one positive male influence is important, and different ages have a different impact on children too. I do the single mum thing for 10 days at a time 4-5 times a year when Mr.G is away on business. Wow, do the children miss him and play up, and I miss him too. Not just for support in childcare, but for the being there to share as well, and for knowing that you’re not on your own. I think that these moments of reflecting on what you’ve got is definitely #AllAboutYou – thanks for shoehorning! (it wasn’t by the way, great post) x