A few days ago I had this weird and slightly distressing dream that a gorgeous, slim woman was stood naked in front of Mike, causing me to have a massive argument with this person. Ha! How silly, I know.

However, it seems I can predict the future as that same thing virtually happened today – the person in question wasn’t naked but she didn’t have much on and I was seriously pissed off that she would dress in such a way in front of MY husband! Particularly given the fact that I feel like a whale. A pregnant whale. A green, pregnant whale. It’s seems jealously is one of my pregnancy symptoms as I’m feeling fiercely protective over Mike!

With that in mind, it is now my mission to have a sexy pregnancy (not so much for Mike’s sake, he does NOT need any more encouragement! But for my own sake and feelings of attractiveness). I mentioned ages ago about transforming myself from the frumpable to the humpable. Well now I have a bump and not just a belly lump, I mean business (and I need to get my head around this maternity clothes stuff).

Get ready for a mammoth post, but thanks to an article by parenting.com about the book Bump It Up: Transform Your Pregnancy Into the Ultimate Style Statement by Amy Tara Koch, I have 35 ish (that’s what they advertise, I’ll see how I get on!) tips to work my belly around. Deep breath, here we go…

 

1. You don’t need to spend a fortune – concentrate on layering pieces that you can wear after the baby’s born too (jackets, shawls, scarves, jewellery, etc).

2. Get creative – go back through all those clothes you’ve already put into storage to see if you can wear them in a non-traditional way. For example turn a skirt into a dress (I only seem to own mini skirts so I’d love to see that!)

3. Make the most of your non-structured clothes and use accessories

4. Don’t go near frumpy clothes – how you look is how you feel and I feel minging enough as it is without sweat pants and trainers on

5. Stick to ‘silhouette-based dressing’ – this is a style that is a product of ‘layering and knowing your proportions’ – I’m not entirely sure what this means but I think it gets explained later on…ah-ha, yes see point 16.

6. Wear heels at all times! Even little ones elongate the body. Wedges are my personal favourite – they’re a bit rough but I’ve barely taken these off since I got preggo…

Cowboy boots and other such things also work aparently. I’d LOVE some cowboy boots!

7. BFF staples #1 Leggings – I got these bad boys the other day from Jojo Maman Bebe and they are awesome (they go higher over my bump than the picture shows, dead comfy but still sexy with the right thing on top)! I also got some much less awesome ones from Next (the size 12 is too big but I’ll probably love them later in pregnancy).

8. BFF staples #2 Maternity trousers – get them in black with a button so you can take them in and out (I’m tempted to go the whole hog and get over the bump stretchness though)

9. BFF staples #3 LBD – needs to be versatile (formal and casual), knee-length or just above, empire, wrap or shift shapes and go for jersey fabrics as they don’t crinkle (I can vouch for this having worn a linen dress the other day which was crinkle city by 10am resulting in lining showing and generally being too short).

Courtesy of BUMP IT UP

10. BFF staples #4 Maternity Jeans – Amy loves these bootcuts by Citizens of Humanity, which are £118 and seems a little steep but if you imagine you’re going to be in them ALL the time for the next 3.5 months (if you wore them 3 times a week until giving birth, that works out around £2.80 a wear, plus you’ll probably wear them more than that and after the baby is born), it’ll be worth the investment and you’ll feel a million dollars in them – see Mike, I neeeeeeed them! Anyway if you do get jeans, go dark with no holes/distressed bits. Wonder what she’d think about skinny jeans, I want these jeans from ASOS (a mere £30).

11. BFF staples #5 Black Skirt – with buttons so you can extend it. And, if it’s lycra make sure it’s knee-length or shorter. Amy used to roll her black skirt up to make it mini too. What I don’t get about skirts is where you wear them – above or below the bump? And, do you tuck in your shirt? It’s all a mystery (unless it’s a denim mini and then I’ve got it covered!)

12. Use chain or beaded belts as necklaces – not so sure about that one…

13. Turn printed nighties into dresses – again I’d need to see this in action to really get the hang of it!

14. Hide your bump for the first 12 weeks

15. …then go to town showing it off! – wear tight things, such as lycra dresses with flowing scarves, or pregnancy jeans with a tight top (one of my favourites at the moment)

16. Avoid Baggy clothes – Baggy things make you look heavy so avoid (unless it’s short and you’re wearing leggings underneath) – this explains point 5 and relates to 17, below.

17. If you’re going big on top, wear tight on the bottom (and vice versa)

18. Showing off your belly isn’t the done thing at the moment, apparently it’s not very elegant.

19. Find your Uniform – I love wearing my Topshop Baxter jeans with a tight top at the moment, although I want some tighter jeans, like in point 10, to up the sexiness. Amy’s favourite ‘uniform’ was a tunic with leggings, which I also like. She says find out what flatters you and wear it all the time, just alternate the look with different accessories.

 

Courtesy of BUMP IT UP

20. NoNo #1 – Sweatpants (unless you’re working out of course)

21. NoNo #2 – Horizontal Strips (I’m not sure about this, it’s fashion at the moment and I’m loving it)

22. NoNo #3 – High neck shirts (as they don’t show off enough flesh, you want to be showing off your neck, shoulders, etc)

23. NoNo #4 – Calf-length dresses (go one way or the other, not in the middle)

24. NoNo #5 – Sensible shoes (see point 6)

25. NoNo #6 – Massive bags (they apparently cut you a place you’d rather not draw attention to, so stick to little bags that hit near the rib-cage)

26. “Accessorise with the bravado of your bump” – think big

27. Replace studs with hoops and chandeliers

28. Layer necklaces and don’t wear chokers, they shorten the neck and make it look chunky

29. Don’t just wear black – add colour with scarves, jackets, bags…and I’d say wear colour and prints on your dresses (the shorter the better to show off your pins!) and tops.

30. Create an empire waist line with belts (i.e. above the bump, below the boobs)

31. Use bigger belts below the bump, which she suggests with t-shirt dresses (sounds a bit interesting to me, but will try!)

32. Look to the celebs – good role models include Heidi Klum (for sexy elegancy), Gwen Stephanie (for fun), J-Lo and Halle Berry

 

Hummm… I seem to have run out of her suggestions so here are some of mine.

33. Get a boob tube – it may sound rediculous but I found this fab boobtube dress for £14 in topshop on Saturday and I love it – it means I can wear tops without a bra (the bane of my life) and it is nice and long, so goes well below the bump. I’ve got it in white but I think I’ll get a couple more in black too.

34. Get your legs out – wear short dresses that show your pins off, they’re still lovely and will look great with those heels!

Courtesy of BUMP IT UP

35.  Be confident – wear that bump with pride!

Please let me know what you think – is some of it good, bad, ugly? Do you have any of your own ideas? I’d love to hear them! hxx