Reuben wouldn’t talk to me this morning. I excitedly went to get him first thing and expected to be greeted by confusion, then recognition, then massive smiles. How wrong I was. He was cross. And, didn’t really want to make eye contact until after his nap, which he didn’t want to take despite being shattered. I feel like a such a bad mummy!
Basically, my best friend and I agreed that for my 30th (in March I might add – I kept putting it off because I didn’t want to leave Reuben or Mike and Gabby) we would go away to Barcelona. A year ago she broke my heart and left Newcastle to follow an amazing job opportunity. I know, how could she? We went from working and living together to never seeing each other!!
She’s doing amazingly well and I am so happy for her but we NEVER get any quality time together, which is entirely my fault. It’s so easy to let life get in the way of what’s important. Yes, Mike and the kids are THE most important thing in the world to me but I mustn’t forget about those other people who I care about and who also care about me…before they stop caring. Alex and I finally got ourselves sorted literally 3 weeks ago. We plumped for a weekend and just hunted for the best deal we could find.
I’m so glad we did. What an amazing weekend with my buddy!
Alex is a lot of things I’m not – she’s able to do research (which means she finds the best deals and the most beautiful hotels! I tend to make do with shit holes or spend a fortune), she’s very honest (even when I sometimes wish she wasn’t but it stops me making serious fashion errors!) and she’s able to say no when I’m about to get carried away (bit of a weird one because it used to be the other way around!). Together we have so much fun, we eat and drink too much (so generally a bit bad for each other), but we also do loads of chitchat about everything that is important to us and get our lives in order again (so also good for each other). After the first night I thought, “Gosh, we’ve already talked about everything. What on earth will we talk about for the rest of the weekend?!” – I needn’t have worried! We chewed each others’ ears off.
When you’re in the day to day, whether it’s babies or a demanding job, it is easy to forget how important other things and people are, and this weekend has reminded me. And, all in an amazing city. To be fair the city was less important to me than going away but Alex still dragged me all over, even when I was very green around the gills, and it was beautiful.
Alex and Hannah – bad but good for each other!
The view from our gorgeous hotel room
Not a Bad Mummy
But I felt like shit this morning when Reuben was so cross with me. How amazing that a soon-to-be 11 month old baby is so in tune with his feeling to be able to tell me, a 30-year-old woman, off and make me feel like a bad mummy! It’s effected me all day.
BUT, I can’t and mustn’t feel guilty. I am not a bad mummy, I spend all day, every day thinking about Reuben and caring for him. I also know for a fact he has had an amazing weekend surrounded by Mike’s family, who love him to bits and who he loves to bits too, doing fun things in the sun. Yes, I hate to miss even a second of him learning and enjoying life, but I also need to be a good friend and spend time with my buddy. Some me time. I was reminded who I was and who I want to be now, and sometimes only a bit of time with your best mate can help you pull it all together. So not a bad mummy after all…
Happy mum = good mum! In my humble opinion.
What do you think? Do you think I did the right thing? Or was it too soon to be leaving him? You’re thoughts are always welcome, whether you agree or not!!