Mike and I had our first date on Saturday night! It was 9 weeks since our ‘final date’ when I was 40 weeks pregnant and it felt amazing to be out together especially after our week of being at each other’s throats (which I talked about in Baby Blues - Mike has since been dubbed the man child because of his tantrum over not being allowed to go to the football!). We got Reuben settled at my mum and dad’s house, got ready (that was a trauma in itself, what the freak do I wear? Maternity clothes don’t really work and everything else is too small – not conducive to feeling romantic and attractive, let me tell you!) and then headed out for our 9 o’clock reservation (a full 1 hour past my bed time!).
It was weird to be out, all I do is think about Reuben (he needs a feed, please go to sleep, he’s slept too long please wake up, that was a stinky one, etc) so ordinarily Mike and I do a lot of talking about the little dude. Therefore, I thought we’d have nothing to talk about or we’d only talk about Reuben or we’d be too tired to talk. But we didn’t, it was lovely. Just like old times. And, for a little while I could forget all about doing mum things and relax (which then made me realise that I have a crick in my neck that needs sorting!), and enjoy being with my husband (who is lush and I really fancy!)…ahhh. New mum’s, if you haven’t already, it’s time to get the romance back so sort out a date with your other half! Do it now.
Now. The next thing I want to talk about is a bit embarrassing because friends of ours read my blog from time to time, not to mention my mum, but I feel it’s important and something all new mums have to deal with (some sooner than others depending upon their own feelings and pressure from the person they might be doing it with…!) and goes hand in hand with romance and keeping your relationship alive. That’s right… sex after pregnancy. Making lurve, doing the deed… S. E. X. As my mum put it after I told her Mike and I had been falling out, she said “you still have to make love even if you don’t want to make babies”.
I’m not going to lie, it took me a good few weeks to feel up to IT. Gradually I began to feel a bit more smoochy and as the weeks progressed Mike made it clear that he still fancied me (phew. Since Mike was fully at the business end during the delivery and ‘saw it all’ as he likes to remind me, there was a chance he may never look at me or my bits in the same light again. It was not my finest or sexiest moment!) and how would I feel about a bit of you know what?
First thing you have to think about, and to be honest when you’re not ready to think about IT it’s probably a bit more palatable, is contraception. Apparently if you’re breastfeeding you are protected from getting pregnant again, plus if you haven’t had a period you might not have ovulated. HOWEVER, people can and do get pregnant within 6 weeks of having a baby. Can you imagine?!?!?! What the f*@%?! You would cry though, wouldn’t you? Secondly I had been advised that you need lube and lots of it.
With that terrifying thought in mind (the contraception bit not the lube bit), it was 5 weeks post baby exit and I wasn’t entirely sure my bits or my head had recovered but Reuben was sleeping soundly, it was Friday night, we were armed with some Rubber Johnny’s so all there was left to do, really, was the do. Get back on the horse.
1. Ouch. I hadn’t felt the episiotomy scar for weeks but it felt like a fracture line and really stung so we didn’t get to finish, as it were (the next time we tried it didn’t hurt anywhere near as much).
2. I found it difficult to get into it. My head was all baby so I found it hard to, er, let go (again the next time we tried that was less difficult and I was able to relax more and enjoy it). Cringe, I know, sorry but you gotta say it like it is otherwise what’s the point?! Plus, my body really doesn’t feel like my own. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be pregnant but this new body I’ve been left with isn’t nearly as nice as the one I had before, so I feel self conscious about it.
3. Condoms suck and make the whole experience less enjoyable but don’t, whatever you do, use that as an excuse to go bare back. Although it might make for interesting blog reading, we sure as hell don’t want another mini-Mike on the way!!
So, there you have it… sex after pregnancy. Not as bad as I had envisaged, and with time the pain has gone away (although we haven’t been that adventurous yet!), I’m now able to switch baby head off and I’ve sorted the condom thing by getting a coil* fitted last week. Now that was a big ouch but I’ve removed the temptation to ‘chance it’ and hopefully I shall remain un-pregnant until I’ve forgotten all about the trauma of the birth and the sleepless nights!
*sidenote: I know at least 2 people who have got pregnant with the coil in though so nothing is full proof! Eeeek.