The Romance Part
Mike and I had our first date on Saturday night! It was 9 weeks since our ‘final date’ when I was 40 weeks pregnant and it felt amazing to be out together especially after our week of being at each other’s throats (which I talked about in Baby Blues – Mike has since been dubbed the man child because of his tantrum over not being allowed to go to the football!). We got Reuben settled at my mum and dad’s house, got ready (that was a trauma in itself, what the freak do I wear? Maternity clothes don’t really work and everything else is too small – not conducive to feeling romantic and attractive, let me tell you!) and then headed out for our 9 o’clock reservation (a full 1 hour past my bed time!).
It was weird to be out, all I do is think about Reuben (he needs a feed, please go to sleep, he’s slept too long please wake up, that was a stinky one, etc) so ordinarily Mike and I do a lot of talking about the little dude. Therefore, I thought we’d have nothing to talk about or we’d only talk about Reuben or we’d be too tired to talk. But we didn’t, it was lovely. Just like old times. And, for a little while I could forget all about doing mum things and relax (which then made me realise that I have a crick in my neck that needs sorting!), and enjoy being with my husband (who is lush and I really fancy!)…ahhh. New mum’s, if you haven’t already, it’s time to get the romance back so sort out a date with your other half! Do it now.
The Sex After Pregnancy Part
Now. The next thing I want to talk about is a bit embarrassing because friends of ours read my blog from time to time, not to mention my mum, but I feel it’s important and something all new mums have to deal with (some sooner than others depending upon their own feelings and pressure from the person they might be doing it with…!) and goes hand in hand with romance and keeping your relationship alive. That’s right… sex after pregnancy. Making lurve, doing the deed… S. E. X. As my mum put it after I told her Mike and I had been falling out, she said “you still have to make love even if you don’t want to make babies”.
I’m not going to lie, it took me a good few weeks to feel up to IT. Gradually I began to feel a bit more smoochy and as the weeks progressed Mike made it clear that he still fancied me (phew. Since Mike was fully at the business end during the delivery and ‘saw it all’ as he likes to remind me, there was a chance he may never look at me or my bits in the same light again. It was not my finest or sexiest moment!) and how would I feel about a bit of you know what?
First thing you have to think about, and to be honest when you’re not ready to think about IT it’s probably a bit more palatable, is contraception. Apparently if you’re breastfeeding you are protected from getting pregnant again, plus if you haven’t had a period you might not have ovulated. HOWEVER, people can and do get pregnant within 6 weeks of having a baby. Can you imagine?!?!?! What the f*@%?! You would cry though, wouldn’t you? Secondly I had been advised that you need lube and lots of it.
With that terrifying thought in mind (the contraception bit not the lube bit), it was 5 weeks post baby exit and I wasn’t entirely sure my bits or my head had recovered but Reuben was sleeping soundly, it was Friday night, we were armed with some Rubber Johnny’s so all there was left to do, really, was the do. Get back on the horse.
1. Ouch. I hadn’t felt the episiotomy scar for weeks but it felt like a fracture line and really stung (the next time it didn’t hurt anywhere near as much).
2. I found it difficult to get into it. My head was all baby so I found it hard to, er, let go (again the next time we tried that was less difficult and I was able to relax more and enjoy it). Cringe, I know, sorry but you gotta say it like it is otherwise what’s the point?! Plus, my body really doesn’t feel like my own. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be pregnant but this new body I’ve been left with isn’t nearly as nice as the one I had before, so I feel self conscious about it.
3. Condoms suck and make the whole experience less enjoyable but don’t, whatever you do, use that as an excuse to go bare back. Although it might make for interesting blog reading, we sure as hell don’t want another mini-Mike on the way!!
So, there you have it… sex after pregnancy. Not as bad as I had envisaged, and with time the pain has gone away. I’m now able to switch baby head off and I’ve sorted the condom thing by getting a coil* fitted last week. Now that was a big ouch but I’ve removed the temptation to ‘chance it’ and hopefully I shall remain un-pregnant until I’ve forgotten all about the trauma of the birth and the sleepless nights!
*sidenote: I know at least 2 people who have got pregnant with the coil in though so nothing is full proof! Eeeek.
How was your first attempt at sex after pregnancy?!
Do leave your comments below – we’re all friends here!
Haha! I don’t believe it you randy so n so!
Very honest! Very true! And very much sooner than us! X
Hello from a fellow Nuby blogger! This is a great entry. I can’t even begin to imagine getting pregnant that early! Excellent warning.
Hiya Suze, thanks for your comment – I know, it’s a truely terrifying thought, huh?! Stay safe 😉 xx
As far as sex after childbirth goes, I guess I was “lucky” that my baby boy was delivered by caesarian section. It meant that 2 weeks after birth, both my hubby and I were feeling the love towards one another and as long as we avoided him on top of me, everything was lovely. I was a bit worried at first, that things wouldnt seem the same as “pre-childbirth”, but I neednt have worried…..hubby still fancied even the post-childbirth me and everything fell into place! (excuse the puns).
What a great post, thank you for sharing a very personal topic in such an honest way. I’m due my 6 week post natal check up next week and have been starting to think about all this and it’s great to read about your experience.
This is truly a brilliant blog post! I think it’s firstly very brave writing about this especially as people you know read this but I think it’s really helpful for new mums to know the real deal with how all this works after pregnancy!!! Yes there is some info on all the baby sites but a real person sharing a real story is a lot more relate able!! Well done you 🙂 x
Good open post and important that we all share these things, even if it is a bit embarrassing. Our little one is 9 weeks old and we got it on for the first time the other night – everything seemed to work fine and was still pleasurable, although you might need a bit of lube to make things as comfortable as poss!
I love this post, really made me chuckle (in a sort of silly adolescent way!!).
After my first delivery (natural) I was terrified, he had been a huge baby (10lb 10oz) I was scared what I was going to feel, more scared what I wasn’t going to feel…!! Turned out fine! Two c-sections later and I think confidence is more of a worry than pain (though god forbid a man squashes on top of you after a c-section!!).
Xx
What a great, honest and refreshing blog post. I really admire you for tackling something that is hard to discuss in public! All I can say is that you have your sex life back a lot quicker than me!!!
Brave post to write lovely but so worth writing. So important to keep the relationship solid amongst the difficulties of baby days. It took me a long time to feel sexy or to want to have sex again after Monkey and even longer before I enjoyed it again, like you said it can be so hard to get your head into it with so much baby stuff and body issues filling your brain. So worth persisting though!! :)#brilliantblogposts
Wow, very honest post and I now feel I know what to expect when the ahem… time comes. I’m 26 weeks pregnant so sex after pregnancy wasn’t something I had even thought about. Falling pregnant again so soon after is not even worth thinking about! x
High fives for sharing. It’s definitely a subject not talked about enough. I can understand those that wouldn’t however you delivered this very well. Great read lovely and it’s reassured those reading that aren’t sure how to feel and what’s ‘normal’ #BrilliantBlogPosts 🙂 xxx
Mine hurts like crazy! I think it scarred me for life as we have less of it eversince =( #brillblogposts
One word – scary!
But for me it didn’t hurt at all. Probably because (under doctor orders) we left it until 4-5m after labour, so everything was well healed by then. #brilliantblogposts
Well done for writing this post and sharing your experience of sex after childbirth, I have no doubt there are many women who will be grateful to see that it’s natural to be nervous having sex for the first time (again).
I remember being petrified as I felt so tender for a long time after giving birth, but with a little patience and lots of lube, everything worked out in the end.
Nearly one year and I still don’t feel as ‘up to it’ as I did before pregnancy. I’m hoping that one day it will all just come back, but this is one aspect of parental life that I have struggled with.
Really important to be honest and everyone will feel different about when they’re ready to get back on the saddle after birth! Fab post. Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts x
Jeeebas! Your sidenote at the end is my biggest fear! I have the coil and we still use condoms. I’m not a newbie mom though (my kid is 3) but I really enjoyed this blog. Newbie moms everywhere should read this before they get back to “business time”. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqZcYPEszN8
Thank you for pointing me to that vid – I’ve never seen it before and loved it!! xx