How to speak romance fluently!
Back in June, whilst awkwardly drinking my cocktail trying to avoid the hideous willy straw, we hit upon a poignant moment at my cousin’s hen do. We were talking about tips for a longer lasting relationship – lots of sex, do DIY badly so that your fella will do it instead, etc. BUT one person had taken this seriously and started to advise about the 5 love languages.
Apparently we all have our individual ways that we like to SHOW our love for our partners. Some people like to GIVE little presents. Others like to DO things for their partner like cooking and cleaning. That kind of thing. This is our love language.
The crucial thing is that in order for our partners to FEEL loved, you need to understand and do things in their love language. Have I lost you yet?!
Well, I thought this sounded pretty neat and the next morning, after a glorious night on my own in the house, I did some googling and found out what all this Love Languages stuff was. This is what I found…
*WARNING* this has got a cheese volume of 11. There is also a religious aspect, which I am neither for nor against but don’t let it put you off if you aren’t religious!
So, the picture above shows the 5 love languages:
Words of affirmation: “I love you because you’re an amazing cook, super intelligent and a red hot mama” etc.
Acts of service: “Darling I’ve cleaned your car inside and out and filled it with oil, water and windscreen wiper stuff”
Receiving Gifts: “I’ve made you a mixed tape with all the songs we were listening to when we first got together” (this doesn’t mean you’re materialistic, the gifts could be entirely worthless to anyone else but the point is that the other person is showing they know you)
Quality Time: “Honey, the baby sitter will be here in 30 minutes, go get yourself ready!” (this is time away from all other distractions to talk and be together)
Physical Touch: “C’mere and give me a big cuddle” (this isn’t just bonking, it’s generally needing to touch the other person and be touched)
So I read those and I still wasn’t sure which I was, but happily there is a handy test that you can take to find out what your preference is (the key to getting this right is to look at each option and pick the one you couldn’t do without!). I took the test and my preferences in equal measure were Quality Time and Physical Touch.
My personal profile – the 5 love languages
I then made Mike take the 5 love languages test and his preference was physical touch. I had a feeling this was the case but I hadn’t realised the extent! The top marks you can get in any one category is 12. He got 12.
Now, the guy who invented (discovered?) this goes on to describe each love language and also says that although your partner may have a preference you should show them love using ALL the languages (I know, I think he expects us to spend all our time writing little love notes, attaching it to a pair of sexy knickers that used to fit and hiding them in our other half’s work trousers!). And then if you want any more ideas or detail you have to buy the book. I haven’t and don’t plan to but I felt I had enough to be going on to start a “Time to Love” category!
So apart from having “Let’s Get Physical” stuck in my head for the next few days this got me thinking – I find Mike and I make very little time for each other to do coupley things, just me and him. We might be EXCELLENT at cuddling on the sofa watching telly, but we’re not very good at sitting down together for meals after the kids have gone to bed (the last time I really made an effort was for Valentines 2012!). And, we certainly aren’t love note or little present people! And now I know why… (Mr Physical!) But how nice would that be every now and again? To find a little surprise in an otherwise same-y day?
Valentines 2012…the last time I was romantic – 3 course meal, home made card, candles, red light (perhaps the wrong signal?!)
The way to a man’s heart – jalapenos and love hearts
I know from this facebook conversation that some of you are a lot better at making time for each other but what do you think of this love languages stuff? Will you and your partner take the test to see how you like to show and receive signs of love? I’d love to hear how you get on and if it makes you look at things differently!
As an aside, it also made me look at my friends differently and I started to recognise how they show their love – for example a friend of mine is always moaning that husband does nothing around the house (no, not Alesha Dixon) but when he does, my goodness!
And, that in turn made me get a bit curious about everyone else; my parents, my in laws, even Gabby – I think kids might be a bit of everything but it did make me recognise little things she does like bringing home a book she bought for Reuben with her pocket money and this card…
The card says “To Reuben, you are so cute. I hope you like your book I picked it especially for you. I could squeeze you to bits. I’ve missed you so much love Gabriella. [in bubble] missed you so much”
Anyway, I’m starting to take note so that I can remember how to show my friends I love them too!