In my desperate attempts to get some freedom back, aside from singing George Michael’s Freedom to Reuben, I’ve been trying lots of new things. Basically Ruby likes the booby. It’s his preferred method for going to sleep so aside from making it impossible for me to do anything other than feed all day, it doesn’t always work. He’ll eat until he falls asleep but if he is overtired he’ll keep eating until he’s sick.
I can see how all bad habits start here, in these early weeks when you’re gagging for a bit more sleep or time to sterilise your nipple shields or a moment to reheat that cup of tea and spread something on that toast you made 2 hours ago…that’s the limit of my ambitions at the moment. So, you resort to letting your baby fall asleep on your boob, or when that doesn’t work rocking and jiggling or, my worst habit but fill-proof technique for sleep, lying in bed feeding, all the while knowing full well I’m going to regret it in a few months time when I’m no longer a zombie and Rueben is dependent on these tricks for sleep…including in the middle of the night!
So, on one of those days when Reuben was coming up to 4 weeks old and refusing to go to sleep despite being desperate for it and all the tricks had been tried, I did it. I tried him with a dummy. I received a dummy via a giveaway on the Nuby Facebook page and thought I may as well try it. It certainly soothed him then, he was being held by his Grandad, but I find he doesn’t like it much when I’m doing it (he knows I’ve got the real deal) and he needs help to keep it in his mouth otherwise he spits it out.
There’s 2 schools of thought when it comes to dummies…the health visitor one which is dummies help the baby regulate their breath and so prevent cot death, and the baby expert (such as Gina Ford) one who say if your baby gets dependent on a dummy for sleep they’re going to need it every time they wake so say goodbye to having a full night’s sleep.
At the moment Reuben is full of snot at night so I’m having to feed/see to him most hours, sometimes for hours at a time; therefore, the thought of only having to get up to pop a dummy in his mouth sounds heavenly! But, I know I’ll be cursing myself in months to come.
The other alternative is to teach him to self-settle. I’ve done this a few times with limited success. I decided to try after reading a sleep book from my pal and mama of 2, Ania, during an all-nighter with the Reubster. The book, Save Our Sleep: Helping your baby to sleep through the night, from birth to two years
So, I tried this a few times, all the while crying myself, and it did work but I felt like a terrible person, which was confirmed by some of my loved ones. So, I gave up and have reverted to being trapped under my lovely baby while he feeds himself to sleep…which I don’t mind too much as I get lots of cuddles and get to watch back-to-back romcoms on the movie channel. However, this is going to get old when the washing stacks up and my bum starts to resemble the sofa…what should I do to get a bit of my day back?!
SNAP! i am having this exact same dilemma! I gave carter a dummy quite early on, as i realised that i was in fact being used as one anyway so i might as well try the real thing. Exactly as you have said, shes not a big fan and usually spits it out but it does help her to fall asleep (as long as shes adequately full up and winded) buuuuut i have noticed that lately i have been having that horrid cycle of put dummy in-baby falls asleep-5minutes later baby spits dummy out and wakes up-put dummy in-baby falls asleep etc etc. I am still trying to work out a good method that works for us both. She seems to sleep REALLY and undisturbed during the day, but loves to mess around at night. sigh. oh well, im sure we will get there eventually!!
Poor thing, hope carter haas started to behave better at night…from what you were saying on twitter the other day, she’s actually a little angel now! Xx
I guess whatever you decide to do just back your instincts and stick with it for a few days to give it a chance. We didn’t follow the book or any book to the letter but picked bits we were comfortable with. We did leave both ours to self settle at sleeps from about 6 weeks when we knew they were fed, changed, comfortable but tired. Also if they woke after just 20min naps etc. we also used a dummy but very sparingly when nothing else worked or in the night when they woke and wouldn’t resettle. Both dropped the dummy by themselves at 16months because they hardly had it. Despite people saying dummies are all or nothing I totally disagree and know plenty of people who have made it work using it only for sleep when they are able to self settle occasionally.
Having said all that, i remember all the turmoil of shoul we use the dummy? When do we resort to it? Are they goin to get confused if we give it sometimes its so easy when youre out the other side to say ‘oh dont worry, whatever you decide will be fine in the end’ but i understand how how stressful it is. The thig to remember is not to be too hard on yourself, and no habits are undoable. Sometimes you just have to do what you meed to to get by. Leavin them to cry a little bit is fine in my opinion but definitely not if it’s upsetting you. Plus he’s still so little maybe leave it a month or two when he doesn’t need to feed so much and try again but a little at a time?
You are doing a wonderful job hun. Don’t forget it xxx
This is Greg, thanks Annie, a month later and he’s sort of getting used to the dummy. I find he likes it better during the day and it’s helpingme to get him to have naps not on me – freedom! – the last few days he’s been going to sleeps with it in his pram while out. He slept for 3 hours yesterday while we were at the cinema…what timing!! Xx
Who’s Greg?!
I agree that it’s not all or nothing with a dummy- we use one when Sophie is overtired and gets herself very upset, but she no longer wakes up when it falls out unless there’s another reason ie. still hungry or windy. There was a frustrating phase when she spit it out repeatedly but it didn’t last long. We thought along the lines of we’d rather she had a dummy than thumb suck so we can take the dummy off her in future… But in the last few days she’s started to suck her thumb anyway! I worried about setting bad habits in the first few weeks but really they don’t seem to have stuck too much, I reckon they sort themselves out. Don’t stress too much! Xx
As a thumb sucker till the age of about 21, i dont see anything wrong with that 😉 also it seems that as he has no short term memory, the issue of setting bad habits has happened yet! I’m at least working on being consistent with him when settling him at night so we don’t have too many bad habits to put right. Lovely to hear from you, Hun, hope you’re all well xx
My mum constantly tells me to try a dummy but I’m so reluctant mosty because I’ve read it interferes with how they breast feed. Matilda took a whole to get the hang of it and now she has, I loathe the thought of having to start over again. It really is each to their own lovely and whatever is right for you,is going to be the right thing for Reuben as he’ll have a happier,less zombie like Mumma 🙂 xxx
Agreed! Thanks Amy 🙂 he’s still not mad keen on it but I persever as I’d rather he took to it so he didn’t cry – it makes me sad! Glad you got your breast feeding sorted, chick, it is a massive pain in the arse, huh?! Xx
I was in hospital for a week after having my little girl and I was told my the nurses and that to try it if I thought it would help her settle for sleeping as she wasn’t sleeping too good she was about 3 days old and is now 13 months and only has it at bed times or when she is tiered in her push chair
Thanks for your comment, nina. You poor thing that sounds stressful! Glad you got through it, like they say, nothing is forever!
Xx
great blog post – my eldest always used to fall asleep when feeding (it was my only way to get him to sleep), my middle son loved dummies and my baby girl is a thumb sucker. I think as mum’s we just do what we can to cope! x
Totally with you of that one, love! What can I say, Reubs loves the boobs 😉 thanks for commenting, Rebecca xx