I was recently contacted by one of the Mums I have been getting to know through the Mums’ Days Facebook Group. She had given birth to a beautiful baby after a long and difficult pregnancy, which made her very ill. The baby was only a few months old when she found out she was pregnant again. Finances were tight, she hadn’t fully recovered and they have no support network.
What should she do, she asked me, should she have an abortion?
I really felt for her. I remember in those early, difficult months thinking how awful it would be to get pregnant. But accidents happen. And, people cope but it’s hard work even if you are healthy and have people around you to help.
My natural reaction to abortion is to avoid it. Even more so since having a child. I’ve seen how it has affected people I love and so my instinct is to try and help find a solution. But on the other hand, there are times when I can genuinely see why it is a necessary solution. Finances? Your health? The health of your baby? Your age?
My own complex feelings towards this topic made me think about how the person faced with this option must feel. It isn’t illegal to have an abortion, and yet it isn’t talked about. Is this something women go through on their own, afraid to talk to their friends and family? Suffering in silence?
I wonder how many new mums face a similar decision? My friends and I joke about THE conversation you have with your midwife literally hours after giving birth “have you thought about what contraception you’ll be using?” “Errrr…the abstinence method? I’ve still got stitches man!”
But joke as we might, people can and do fall pregnant very easily after giving birth, and let’s face it, even when you are being careful, no contraception is 100% (Just ask my mate who got pregnant with both of her children while she had a coil fitted!). What would you do?
Do I judge my new friend for considering an abortion? Not at all, I am pro-mum and I think it was brave of her to look at it from a practical point of view. Would others feel that way? I just don’t know because we don’t talk about it!
How do you feel about abortion? Is it always wrong or can you see why it would be necessary? Have you ever had an abortion? How did you come to that decision and how did you deal with it afterwards?
If you would like to write about your experience of abortion, please send me your story to firstname.lastname@example.org
Note: What I told my friend to do was to speak to someone with professional training (unlike me) and talk through the options. Everyone you speak to will have their own opinion on YOUR life based upon their own circumstances, but ultimately it is you that has to make the decision and live with the consequences so finding impartial advice is essential. If you find yourself in a similar position I would urge you to do the same. I found this site through the NHS and they offer Pregnancy-related advice: http://www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/therapists. But there must be more options. Go and see your doctor or health visitor but do not allow them to sway you in one direction or another. And good luck xxx