Rachel's Holiday - Marian KeyesJan 28, 2023
I’ve just finished reading Marian Keyes's book, Rachel's Holiday.
To say I was only h through yesterday, it’s longer than the bible and I’m a slow reader... just speaks t how many hours I’ve spent lying on this sofa reading. And I think it’s healed me.
I hit a wall yesterday. Yes, I’ve been feeling shite all week. Fighting a cold with almost every pill going (from echinacea to chewable vitamin c to cold and flu - being careful to keep track of how many I was taking - and supplementing with ibruprophan) just so I could function enough to get the kids where they needed to be, fed, and do all the adulting things I needed to do.
The minute I sent the last important email of last week, my brain ceased to work. I found myself limp-armed at my desk, staring through my laptop. My to-do list was out of focus, nothing else could be ticked off. I needed to rest.
So I hit the sofa and I read. Only taking breaks to eat carbs. Buttered toast. Frozen kids' pepperoni pizza. That kind of thing. And make cups of tea. I never drink tea. I couldn’t do anything else. I felt a desperate need to escape and be filled with Marian's words.
This book was published 25 years ago, I have had it on my shelf for about 5 years and I finally picked it up this month after reading Daisy Buchanan's book Burn Before Reading by The Pound Project and falling in love with the idea of reading again. Reading for pleasure.
It’s been delicious to unplug but also to read something that I didn’t know I needed to read.
I had no idea when I picked this book up a few weeks ago that it was about addiction - and it feels so funny now to realise it’s been quietly sitting on my shelf, patiently moving to 5 different homes with me, watching as I deal with the struggles that addiction has had on me and my life, waiting for the right time to be read.
If you listened to my Dry January podcast where I talk about why I quit drinking or read any of my posts last year about addiction and the impact on relationships, you’ll know that stuff went on and perhaps you’re thinking but that’s not me.
What’s interesting about Rachel’s Holiday is that I never got to a point where I went to rehab but still. But still. I could relate so much to Rachel and her problems.
Self-esteem issues. Self-sabotage. Addictive tendencies that spill into other areas of your life. Starving and bingeing. Codependency. External validation. Mindless Social media scrolling. Numbing to avoid feeling.
Addiction or not it’s all still things we might have noticed in ourselves.
Marian says in the book many times - “stay with the feelings” - it’s still something that I find hard to do! But I’m working on it.