PODCAST 8 - ways to boost your mood
Hello and welcome to Happily Ever After. This is a podcast where we explore all things Divorce and heartache but leave with hope. I am your host Hannah Harvey, and today we are talking about ways you can boost your mood during your divorce.
I can tell you from experience that, yes getting divorced is really tough, but in the words of Glennen Doyle, we can do hard things. We are really strong and if we are really kind to ourselves, we don’t have to just survive this.
I went from barely surviving my divorce to actually thriving and here are a few things you can put into place NOW to make sure that you are really protecting and caring for yourself during this challenging transition period.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… It is really important that you look after yourself during your divorce.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance”
– Oscar Wilde
And actually it might be the first time that you have taken a moment to get to know yourself and start to love yourself.
During your divorce it is very easy to live in a state of stress and not even realise. It’s when you are constantly ill or realise you’re making terrible decisions, feeling stuck, aggro, generally miserable or a combination of all the above. That’s when you need to take notice.
But I’d say, just start looking after yourself now, prevention not treatment!
By the way, self-loathing is absolutely banned. Whichever way your marriage ended, it wasn’t meant to be at this time. We learn the lessons as they present themselves and in the meantime, even when we’re SURE we’re a huge f*ck up, we need to LOVE OURSELVES!
Self-care in all its forms, is not only important for your mental health but also VITAL for your physical health. Ignoring self-care can literally hurt you. And without your health, how can you move on or help anyone else? You can’t pour from an empty cup and all that.
Here are some suggestions for how you can look after yourself when you need it most and it will transform your mood in the process.
1. Breathe - breathing is insane! There are whole books about how we’ve forgotten its magical powers. Sit crossed legged on the floor, close your eyes and ground your bottom into the floor.
Take a deep, slow breath in and imagine it going all the way down to your sitting bones. Then slowly breathe out. Do this 10 times. Welcome to your body and feel your mood shift.
2. Exercise - moving is such an amazing way to shift your energy. It doesn’t need to be much, a walk in the fresh air or, if you don’t want to go out, a free youtube HIIT session or yoga flow.
Doing SOMETHING will shift you away from any negative self-talk.
3. Switch off social media - If you haven’t blocked your ex yet, do that right now. I’ll wait. It may seem drastic but seeing what they’re up to is highly unlikely to shift you out of a funk.
Do yourself a massive favour, turn social media off and remove all temptations to a) slag your ex off in public and b) hurt yourself more by comparing yourself to everyone else’s in adverted commers perfect lives (including no especially your ex).
4. Stare out the window - this was literally my homework from my business coach for quite some time. If you’re busying yourself with distractions so you don’t feel the feels, this is the one for you.
Grab a big mug of herbal tea or a glass of water and stare out of the window. Stuff might come up. The first time I did it I had what my friends and I affectionately call the ‘snot bubbles’. Everything I had been holding in and was trying not to feel all came out and I felt SO MUCH BETTER for it!
5. De-clutter - decluttering is also weirdly magical. Don’t underestimate the energy that live in ‘things’. When you clear a space it’s like you create a vacuum for positivity to fill.
I have a friend who is a professional declutterer, she helped me so much at the start of my divorce and I tell her all the time about how much she’s changing people’s lives.
Honestly, it’s incredible and has an amazing knock on effect as I often start to believe in myself and my abilities much more when I’ve had a good declutter!
6. Sell the things you declutter - you might not want to have anything that has been given to you by your ex or reminds you of them. Sell it and buy new nice things with the money!
7. Run some errands - Errands are my nemesis. I hate them but on the days when I feel like I’m making no progress and I’m a waste of space, if I tag an errand on to seeing a friend or something else I like, I feel so much better for ticking that job off.
8. Life-admin - In a similar vein, I also hate filling in forms. I’ve become so much better at all life-admin since becoming single, and it’s had such a big impact on my self-esteem.
I’m not as useless as I thought I was. You’ll have your own version of form-filling that you’ll put off forever. The key is baby-steps. Get started and soon you’ll realise you can do it, it wasn’t as bad as you thought and your confidence will grow.
9. Quit drinking - for a while at least. Alcohol is a depressant and highly addictive. Two things you don’t need when you feel bad anyway. It fuels the fire. Plus, it might encourage you to make bad decisions and the more you lean on it to numb, the worse you will feel and the more likely you will be to lean on it again. Same goes for sugar, drugs and other addictive substances.
10. Sleep - I LOVE SLEEPING. I go to bed early and I nap on the regular. So, if all else fails and I feel like a crap person, I sleep.
It’s a particularly great technique for when you can’t figure something out. Try to ask yourself a question just before you go to sleep, often your unconscious brain will come up with the answer when you wake.
11. Gratitude/manifesting - Another overused word is ‘gratitude’ stuff.
I can feel you rolling your eyes but hear me out. Sit in a chair with a nice new journal and write exactly what you want your life to be like, but as a gratitude.
As if it’s already happened… “I am so happy and grateful that I live in a million pound house overlooking the sea…” - just me?
It doesn’t need to be as grandiose as that but make sure you focus on what you DO WANT and not what you don’t.
Try to reword anything you want to change into a positive… “I am so happy and grateful that my divorce is over. I have exactly what I need from the settlement and my voice and needs have been heard. Thank you for helping me to create a safe, stable and secure future for myself and my children.”
This has been no less than life changing for me and it can be for you too. Ignore any thoughts that this is stupid and what if your dad/mum/brother/friend finds out.
No one is going to read your book. It is your private journal for creating the life you want and the power it has to change your mood and focus your energy is transformational!
OK, what do you think? Let me know if you give any of these a try and also if you have any tips you would add. You can get in touch either through instagram @hharveywrites or via my website hannahharvey.uk. I would love to hear from you.
In the mean time, I’ll leave you with this quote from – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.”
Have an amazing week. I’m Hannah Harvey and you have been listening to Happily Ever After. As always, don’t forget to subscribe and if you have a friend who might enjoy this podcast, then please do share it with them!
