00:00:00 - 00:01:01
Hannah: Welcome to Happily Ever After the podcast, which seems to talk about all sorts of different things. But one listener described it as the place where we talk about what everyone else is thinking, but maybe not saying out loud. I am your host, Hannah Harvey. I'm a writer and a parenting blogger at MumsDays.com That's MUMSDAYS dot com. If you wouldn't mind subscribing and leaving a review, that would be amazing because it basically means more people can find the podcast. And I also would really, really, really love to hear from you. So please could you contact me through Instagram @Mumsdays? You can message me anything really, but you know your stories of life and heartbreak or any thoughts you might have on the episode or any questions you want answering. And as always, you can find the details from this episode in the show notes.
00:01:01 - 00:01:13
Hannah: Hello and welcome to Happily Ever After. It's me, Hannah Harvey, and I am joined by my lovely Katie again. MY lovely Katie
00:01:13 - 00:01:13
Katie: Hello Everybody
00:01:13 - 00:01:21
Hannah: Now it's is post-Christmas pre New Year and this is literally my favorite time of year.
00:01:22 - 00:01:23
00:01:23 - 00:01:24
00:01:26 - 00:01:28
Katie: I think that's a thing, I think it is.
00:01:28 - 00:01:29
Hannah: Is it?
00:01:29 - 00:01:29
00:01:29 - 00:02:05
Hannah: Okay. But basically it's the time when I get quite reflective because you can still sit and eat all the food because it's not New Year yet. So you're still like enjoying it, but then you're thinking about right from New Year's Day, what is it I want to do? Which in reflection is kind of like a lot of pressure. But we've been having a chat, haven't we? And we were thinking about. Lots of different resources that are available. So if you are wanting to make a few changes, we've got these things available. What were you telling me about?
00:02:05 - 00:02:38
Katie: Yeah, so it's the perfect time of year to do some thinking, isn't it? Think about your life and all of that. And just while in the in the process of helping Hannah with the podcast and the blog and things, I've come across loads of amazing free resources that help you with your mental health and journaling and, you know, trying to figure out your life, I guess more of the same stuff. So the first one that I was going to talk about is like a planning application. A planning app.
00:02:38 - 00:02:39
Hannah: Was it for journaling?
00:02:39 - 00:02:57
Katie: Yeah, for journaling, but it's not necessarily just for journaling. It's called Evernote. And you can download it for free. And they have templates in there which show you how to work on daily reflections. It's stuff like how to keep a diary, what you should be writing down.
00:02:58 - 00:02:59
Hannah: A little prompt.
00:02:59 - 00:03:12
Katie: Yeah, a little prompt. That's exactly it. Yeah. Which I've always found super useful. And I know that you've talked about it on the podcast before for gaining a bit of clarity and for focusing on what's going on with you and in you.
00:03:12 - 00:03:26
Hannah: Yeah. So there's all sorts of different things you can do, but it's kind of which is the maybe just choose one. So if your thing is I would like to journal more then that's a really nice free tool to just utilize.
00:03:26 - 00:03:34
Katie: Yeah. And actually what ties into that is another app that you can download called Insight Timer,
00:03:34 - 00:03:35
Hannah: Got it, it's amazing.
00:03:35 - 00:04:20
Katie: It is amazing. I use it every night. I do a yoga nidra every night and I think it's life changing. That's how I feel about it. And it's all free. There's like thousands of different meditations on there. But it's not just that there's communities as well where you can talk to people about what's going on. Lots of stuff to do with breathing. There's some live classes on there and again, that's all just a free resource. There's probably journaling prompt on there as well so that you can, if you want it to do journaling, you compare that with Evernote. Yeah, and it's just like one of the best things I've discovered as of late. On the surface, it looks like a meditation timer, like that's why it's called Insight Timer, and I think that's what it was originally for. But it's actually full of like lots of great guided meditations.
00:04:20 - 00:04:53
Hannah: Yes, I found some really great in fact, I've got a few that I used on there. One was a cord cutting meditation. It was something like 6 minutes long, but it guides you through the process of if you feel emotionally tied to somebody else, like how you cut the cord. And even if it's bullshit for me emotionally, it felt like a really significant tool. So that's a really good one. Just on there for free. And you can literally just go in the search function and type in cord cutting and it would come up with a whole bunch.
00:04:53 - 00:05:23
Katie: Yeah. And it's the same thing with like sleep. If you're struggling with your sleep, you just type in sleep and loads of different sleep meditations come up. If you want to work on self-compassion, that's on there as well. All sorts of great stuff. And I must admit I was skeptical about, you know, whether that stuff would kind of work or not. And the first time you listened to a guided meditation, you're like, Well, this doesn't work and you've got one eye open. But then but when you practice, it gets better and it does actually help over time, I think.
00:05:23 - 00:05:27
Hannah: So if somebody wants to get into meditation and that kind of thing, that's a really great tool.
00:05:27 - 00:05:28
Katie: Yeah it's free!
00:05:28 - 00:05:55
Katie: May as well have a go. And then the last one I wanted to mention, and I don't know whether this is available everywhere, but there's a it's three apps. I'm talking about three apps here. It's an app called Borrow Box, which links up with your local library. And I've just discovered it and realized that you can get tons of books for free on there. And it's not just e-books, it's also e-audiobooks as well. So if you're not really into reading.
00:05:55 - 00:05:56
Hannah: Also known as audiobooks.
00:05:57 - 00:06:00
Hannah: No it says e-audiobooks. It does. Honestly.
00:06:01 - 00:06:04
Katie: I wouldn't normally include the E, but that's what it says on the tab.
00:06:04 - 00:06:09
Hannah: Okay, we'll go with that. Meaning it's not a CD.
00:06:09 - 00:06:09
Katie: Yeah, it's not a CD it's straight on your phone.
00:06:09 - 00:06:11
Hannah: Not a physical recording.
00:06:13 - 00:06:20
Katie: So if you're not really into reading, then you can just listen to the book instead. Perfect for when you're in the car, which I know Hannah is a lot.
00:06:20 - 00:06:29
Hannah: Yeah. My mum uses this all the time and, you know, like, so when she's cleaning around the house or darting about, she's always listening to something on Borrow Box.
00:06:29 - 00:06:52
Katie: Yeah. All you have to do is sign up for your local library, which you can do online, or you could in my local council anyway. And then you've got an account and you can, you can borrow the e-books and e-audiobooks. I think it's like five. You can download it once and there's loads of amazing self-help books on there, although self-help is a bit of a dirty word. But like, you know.
00:06:52 - 00:06:53
Hannah: No, we love it.
00:06:55 - 00:06:57
Katie: Yeah, they're not cheesy and some of them are really great so.
00:06:57 - 00:06:58
00:06:59 - 00:07:00
Katie: I would recommend giving that a go.
00:07:00 - 00:07:03
Hannah: I think that's brilliant. Cool.
00:07:03 - 00:07:30
Hannah: And then the other thing we should probably talk about is the fact that we've been given so many great tips through the podcast because we're now on episode 23. So that's nearly a full six months of podcast stuff. And the first well, the first things I wanted to mention were probably my favorite moments from the year. And the first is when we went viral on TikTok with a letter from my mom.
00:07:31 - 00:07:32
Katie: Yeah, it's amazing.
00:07:32 - 00:07:48
Hannah: Like, it's so weird. You do something and you don't know what's going to work and what's going to resonate and what isn't. And I mean, we did think with this letter it was so special that we had to talk about it and it had to, you know, be turned into a Tiktok. And we're not really big on it, are we? Tiktok. We just kind of shove things up every now and again.
00:07:48 - 00:07:49
Katie: We're trying our best.
00:07:50 - 00:07:51
Hannah: Are we trying our best?
00:07:51 - 00:07:53
Katie: No we're not trying our best.
00:07:53 - 00:08:13
Hannah: We're just putting stuff up willy nilly, but that's fine. So the letter that she sent was after I'd kind of had a bit of a breakdown. This is like, you know, a good two years ago kind of saying that I was really struggling and I felt like a crap mom and all that kind of stuff. And then she sent this letter and it just the comments we got on TikTok from it were just lush.
00:08:14 - 00:08:26
Katie: Yeah, they were. And Hannah reads it out in the podcast as well, which is episode nine, and it really touched me when I heard it as well. And I'm not even a mom, but I felt I think I did shed a tear. So that's that's really quite something, isn't it?
00:08:26 - 00:08:27
Hannah: Shall I read it now?
00:08:27 - 00:08:29
Katie: I would really like it if you read it now.
00:08:29 - 00:09:00
Hannah: Okay, So she says, Our hearts break for you and all the things that you've lost. Being a single parent is so difficult, but you're doing amazingly. You've made the right decision and things will get easier as you go through the stages of bereavement. You've made a lovely home for them and you must stop worrying about being a bad mum. You are keeping things going. They know they are loved and this is enough for now. There will come a time when you enjoy being their mum again, but for now it's enough to just do the essentials.
00:09:01 - 00:09:01
Katie: Isn't it a beaut
00:09:02 - 00:09:25
Hannah: Yeah, it's just that permission to be like, just, just do what you have to do here and now. And there are days and weeks even now where I'm like, This resonates with me and I'll think I just need to do the essentials like I don't have. Because I think when you're in that feeling of stress, you're like, Oh my God, I need to do all these things now when actually just get through today.
00:09:26 - 00:09:29
Katie: And provided they're healthy and safe, that is enough, you know?
00:09:29 - 00:09:35
Hannah: Yeah. If they've eaten a vegetable and brush their teeth. Oh, my God. You're like, hitting top notch parenting.
00:09:35 - 00:09:38
Katie: Supermum, yeah, absolutely.
00:09:38 - 00:09:40
Hannah: They've used cutlery. You can just get out of town now.
00:09:40 - 00:09:45
00:09:45 - 00:11:07
Hannah: I know. And then the other one that I found to be quite profoundly engaging with people was the episode we did, which was 13, which was kind of like a Q&A one about dirty secrets. And there were a few questions around what to do if you are in a relationship with an addict. And off the back of that, I also wrote a post about it kind of talking about how it's so important to reach out and get help and you don't need to be on your own with this. And I also spoke to Sean Alexander about drinking. And just the combination of all of those three things just seemed to filter out. And I got loads of comments from people just being like a) thank you. I don't feel so alone in what feels like a really lonely situation and other people being like, Oh, you've made me realize I can try sobriety or it doesn't sound as shit and annoying to not drink sometimes, and you kind of given me permission to be like actually I don't want to do that all the time. So yeah, that was a really meaningful moment for me anyway. And then obviously all the amazing people that we've interviewed has been awesome. So we've been through and picked through some top tips, haven't we, from, from the episodes.
00:11:07 - 00:11:08
Katie: Yeah, we have.
00:11:09 - 00:11:12
Hannah: Do you have a favorite or a few favorites where you're like Ooo.
00:11:15 - 00:11:20
Katie: Well, I think everybody who's been on the podcast has said some really amazing things and I've enjoyed them all, but I am a bit biased.
00:11:21 - 00:11:23
Hannah: What would you being my mum at all?
00:11:24 - 00:11:52
Katie: Yes. But I thought one of the things that we could do is pick out the top tips that our guests have given us throughout the episodes. I think the top takeaway from your podcast with Josie Baxter was episode 18. The things that she said that you absolutely have to do is get good sleep, try and do 10,000 steps a day and drink enough water and like that sounds so achievable. I think that was what was nice about that.
00:11:55 - 00:12:09
Hannah: So she's a PT, she's you know, we were asking for her health and fitness tips and to break it down into something so manageable. Like so before you worrying about the gym and before you're counting your macros, it's like, make sure you've got these in order.
00:12:10 - 00:12:17
Katie: Yeah, because let's be honest, How many of us have got all of those three things like sleep, water, 10,000 steps and
00:12:17 - 00:12:19
Hannah: I've only done 4000 today and it's quarter to four.
00:12:20 - 00:12:32
Katie: Yeah, we probably won't do 10,000 today. But feeling like that is my fitness goal instead of being like I need to go to the gym six times this week. It's a lot more achievable, I think. Yeah, Yeah. So that was good.
00:12:32 - 00:12:33
Hannah: Yeah, she was great.
00:12:33 - 00:12:51
Katie: Yeah. And then that brings us on to Danielle Barbereau who you had on the podcast number 17. One of the things that I thought she said that was amazing was advice to parents who are thinking about splitting up and it was not to get stuck in the broken home narrative.
00:12:51 - 00:12:56
Hannah: I can't leave because I don't want my kids to be in a broken home, that bit.
00:12:56 - 00:13:07
Katie: Yeah. And she said, What's more broken, living with a family that's fighting all the time or having two separate houses where your parents are happy. And I just thought that was like such good advice to parents, you know?
00:13:07 - 00:13:16
Hannah: Yeah. And being the person who's being the child with split up parents, I know you were telling me that once you knew your parents were happy.
00:13:16 - 00:13:16
00:13:16 - 00:13:17
Hannah: You felt happier.
00:13:17 - 00:13:24
Katie: Yeah, exactly. And if that meant two separate homes for me and two separate homes for them, that was absolutely fine. Much preferred it.
00:13:24 - 00:13:25
00:13:26 - 00:13:37
Katie: And the other thing that she gave us is, like a top tip to take away is that when there's money involved in your divorce, you should get legal help, which I know was something that Hannah has mentioned on previous podcasts and.
00:13:37 - 00:13:48
Hannah: Always get the expert help no matter what anybody else is saying. I think it's just worth the money in the long run. Even if they tell you what you already know, just cover your back.
00:13:48 - 00:13:56
Katie: Yeah. Yeah. So then we also got some advice from Lea, who was a guest on episode number 12.
00:13:56 - 00:14:23
Katie: So the takeaway from her podcast was to give yourself space to go through the grief of a breakup, there's a lot. I guess her point was that there's, you know, we don't take it as seriously as we perhaps should. And it is a grief and you've got to go through all of the stages of grief, which Hannah's talked about on the podcast before as well. Yeah, before you can move on. And then once you do, she said to take control and create the next chapter of your life, which I just think is beautiful.
00:14:23 - 00:14:44
Hannah: Yeah, well, her, her Instagram is @thelifeshebuilt and that's what she was kind of saying is up to this point, maybe stuff has happened, but this is your opportunity now to go ahead and take control and yeah, decide what the next bit looks like and make it happen. And don't try and do it tomorrow either. I remember her saying I think of it in ten years.
00:14:44 - 00:14:44
00:14:44 - 00:14:54
Hannah: Rather than an immediate thing, which I think is really important because we can get so stuck in the overwhelm of like, I want all the things to happen today and now.
00:14:54 - 00:15:02
Hannah: But it's like, let's just make a ten year plan. Yeah, totally. And then Cath, we've had Cath in twice talking about decluttering.
00:15:02 - 00:15:03
Katie: Absolutely love Cath. Can't get enough of her.
00:15:03 - 00:15:05
Hannah: Absolutely love her.
00:15:06 - 00:15:09
Hannah: She just makes me feel so much calmer.
00:15:09 - 00:15:10
Katie: Yeah same.
00:15:10 - 00:15:25
Hannah: Because it is. It's the clutter and the stuff. And I think the way my brain works is I can't handle too much clutter and stuff like it needs to be planned out, otherwise I get stressed. So yeah. Do you have any favourites from what she said?
00:15:25 - 00:15:44
Katie: Yeah. So she I'm the first podcast that she did, which was episode ten that was just about well, she's a professional decluttering, so she was giving us her top tips on what we should do. And she basically said, if you're going through a difficult time, think carefully about what you're throwing away because something might hold different meaning to you later on.
00:15:44 - 00:16:14
Hannah: So I can totally relate to that with like when I first left, I wanted to get rid of anything and everything that had ever been given to me by my ex because I was like, It's too emotional. And then there were certain things that just kind of hung around, and I was always in the back of my mind, Oh, I'm going to get rid of them. But now I'm like, Oh, actually, I quite like that makeup. I'm going to use it like it's lost its emotional meaning. So maybe don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Yes, maybe. I mean.
00:16:16 - 00:16:27
Katie: And the other thing she said was just to start small, which is again, another lovely bit of achievable advice that I can take on board. Just do one draw at a time. You know, That was really great.
00:16:28 - 00:16:38
Katie: That's so true. And you also have a sense of achievement even just on that one little thing. And then each little step just gives you that like. Oh, I can do this, and then what's the next thing you can do?
00:16:39 - 00:16:42
Katie: Yeah. And then we've also just had.
00:16:42 - 00:16:42
Hannah: Her Christmas tips.
00:16:43 - 00:16:57
Katie: Yeah, on, on a Christmas tips. And I think that I took away from that was that she said it's the act of gift giving that matters not whether you keep the thing forever or not and. I'm just going to throw out so much stuff when I get home.
00:16:57 - 00:16:58
Hannah: Are you?
00:16:58 - 00:17:08
Katie: I thought I should keep hold of that, though. Really? Because so-and-so gave it to me as a present. But that wasn't about that. They've had their joy out of it, you know? Yeah. Time to throw it away. So I'm gonna get decluttering.
00:17:08 - 00:17:23
Hannah: So yeah, the obligation of the gift is actually you're putting too much emphasis on the gift. It's actually the moment of getting the gift that is where it's serving its purpose. And what happens after that? Maybe it goes on to be a gift for somebody else.
00:17:23 - 00:17:23
Katie: Maybe it does.
00:17:24 - 00:17:27
Hannah: Maybe its purpose in life is to be a gift.
00:17:27 - 00:17:40
Katie: It could be, forever. Who knows? There was a beautiful moment when Cath left the studio after she was talking to Hannah, and it was right at the end of the conversation. She went, By the way, I'm not getting you a Christmas gift. And Hannah said, No, I'm not getting you one either. And that was the end.
00:17:40 - 00:17:43
Katie: And I think we should all have more conversations like that. That was nice.
00:17:44 - 00:17:45
00:17:45 - 00:18:10
Katie: That was episode 19, by the way. And then we also had Katie on episode 20, who was telling us about dressing for confidence. And the thing that I took away from that was that you need to dress for your shape and not your size. Like if you're a bigger person or if you're not happy with a certain part of your body, you don't have to hide it away all in black. You should embrace color and dress how you want to dress, not how you think you should dress.
00:18:10 - 00:18:10
00:18:10 - 00:18:11
Katie: and that's really nice.
00:18:12 - 00:18:42
Hannah: The thing I got from that was this idea that because somebody doesn't like one aspect of themselves, they'll then hide their entire body like they're trying to completely disappear. Whereas what she was saying is, like, So maybe you don't like your waist, so draw attention to your face. Or if you really like your ankles, draw attention. Stop hiding your entire existence because you don't like one thing. And I think so many people do that and it's a fucking shame.
00:18:42 - 00:18:46
Katie: We're all prone to the odd muumuu and we need not to be.
00:18:46 - 00:18:46
Hannah: What's a muumuu?
00:18:47 - 00:18:49
Katie: Why do you? Why do you hate the muumuu so much?
00:18:49 - 00:18:51
Hannah: I don't understand what it means.
00:18:51 - 00:18:55
Hannah: Just like a large nightie type dress.
00:18:55 - 00:18:56
00:18:56 - 00:18:58
Katie: Comes out and then straight down.
00:18:58 - 00:19:11
Hannah: So the stuff that you would wear to hide your body. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there are days I've got an enormous turtleneck which, like, covers most of my face. So there are days when I have to sit in that.
00:19:11 - 00:19:12
Katie: That's not a muumuu, though.
00:19:12 - 00:19:15
Hannah: Oh is it not.
00:19:15 - 00:19:17
Hannah: I think we're going to have to link to this one in the show notes.
00:19:17 - 00:19:21
Katie: Yeah, I'll send you all a picture of a muumuu
00:19:21 - 00:19:22
Hannah: Thank you. I look forward to that.
00:19:23 - 00:19:33
Hannah: So yeah, that's our sort of thoughts on kind of the New Year cheer I'm going to go away now and have a little think about, I do love a resolution.
00:19:33 - 00:19:33
00:19:33 - 00:19:35
Hannah: How do you feel about a resolution?
00:19:35 - 00:19:51
Katie: I don't do it because like it's the 3rd of January. By the time I've thought about a resolution, you know, and, and people are like, what's your resolution? And I'm like, is it the new year?! What's going on? I don't know what happened. So I'm more of a reflect all year round type person.
00:19:51 - 00:19:54
Hannah: That is probably the best way to do it.
00:19:54 - 00:20:01
Katie: But there's nothing wrong with the resolution. And I think if that is what gets you motivated, then I'm all for it.
00:20:01 - 00:20:10
Hannah: Yeah, maybe it's more of I like the reflection period between Christmas and New Year, but I probably won't change much more than I already have.
00:20:11 - 00:20:13
Katie: It's good to revisit things though, isn't it?
00:20:13 - 00:20:21
Hannah: I just want to learn more. That's what I'm going to do. Play more and all that kind of stuff. Oh well, Happy New Year when it comes, Katie.
00:20:21 - 00:20:23
Katie: Happy New Year to you, too.
00:20:24 - 00:21:05
Hannah: All right. Thank you so much for listening and have a great week and I'll see you next time for another episode of Happily Ever After With me, Hannah Harvey. I would be very grateful if you wouldn't mind leaving a review or subscribing because this helps more people find this podcast. And of course, if you've got a friend who you think might enjoy this episode, please do recommend it to them as well. For anything else, your thoughts on the episode or any questions? Please do get in touch with me through Instagram @MumsDays or you can email me Hannah at Mumdays dot com and I genuinely love hearing from you, so please do get in touch, byee.