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Hannah: Welcome to Happily Ever After the podcast where we talk about life's big stories from break-ups and breakdowns to icky secrets and happy endings. It's the stuff that makes us human. I'm your host, Hannah Harvey. I'm a writer and a parenting blogger at Mumsdays.com. That's M.U.M.S.D.A.Y.S .com. I'd be really grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review because it basically means more people can find the podcast. And I also really love hearing from you, so please do contact me through Instagram @Mumsdays when any of your stories really and you know how you relate to the episode or even questions that you may want answering. You can find all the details from this episode in the show notes.
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Hannah: Hello and welcome to Happily Ever After. Today I'm having chit chats with Katie.
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Hannah: Hello, Katie.
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Hannah: How are you doing?
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Katie: I'm good, thanks. How are you?
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Hannah: We both know.
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Katie: I know. I don't know why I said good. I'm fine. I'm okay.
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Hannah: So today we are talking about transitioning, which, three years after splitting up from my ex, would hope I wasn't still doing it. But I am. Yeah, And you are too. Is that correct.
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Katie: I am, yeah. I'm in a transitional period myself at the minute.
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Hannah: So we are fresh from having just got out of the sea because we're both feeling a bit funky. And I just read Katie's newsletter which said she was going to basically sit by some houseplants and I was like, I'm coming to get you in half an hour. Be ready with your swimwear on.
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Katie: That's my version of self-care. But also I did appreciate the sea.
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Hannah: So we've just it's full moon today, you know?
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Katie: Yeah, I feel like we're feeling that.
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Hannah: Yeah. I've spoken to a few people today and I was like, Oh, I'm feeling a bit crazy. And they were like, Oh, full moon.
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Katie: Yeah, it's always the moon.
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Hannah: Like, I don't know whether you believe in moons or not, but.
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Katie: I believe in them. All right.
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Hannah: I just thought it was nice to go and acknowledge it next to the sea. So we've been down, haven't we? And quietly sat and did some journaling. And now we're ready to podcast.
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Katie: We are.
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Hannah: So why are you transitioning? Katie?
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Katie: So I have sort of like only about six months ago, like if that, moved house and now I have to move house again. So that's fun. So I'm currently sort of like in a bit of limbo. Um, don't know whether my relationships got a future to it. That's quite scary at the minute as well. But the thing I'm most worried about really is where I'm going to live. Yeah, that's up in the air.
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Hannah: So are you feeling tantrumy like is your maiden kicking and going 'This is bullshit. Why is nobody rescuing me?' Or are you feeling like, Right, I'm going to take control and.
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Katie: I think it's a bit of both of those because like I definitely, you know, when you look at other people's relationships and you're like, oh, they've got like a nice husband and a lovely house and plenty of disposable income, where's my one of those? But then also I'm at the point now where I'm like, No, okay, I am fed up of waiting for Prince Charming. I'm going to be my own Prince Charming and I'm going to sort my life out and I'm going to stand on my own two feet and I'm not waiting for anybody to come along anymore.
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Katie: Yes. So it's quite, quite headstrong, I'm feeling quite headstrong, but also, like bit pissed off.
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Hannah: Yeah. Do you think it could be a bit fight or flight?
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Katie: Definitely. Because
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Hannah: Like you're feeling like you've got the fight and the spark inside of you, but you're also wanting to just. Go find your own house.
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Katie: Yeah. So, like, I've been a little bit upset. Like, this has all, like, sort of happened in the past week or so, and I've been quite upset and I've been quite moody and I've been quite depressed. And now, like, I'm at the point where I'm like, Right, okay, this is fine. Like, I'm going to stand up for myself now, and that's what's going to matter. And like, there's a bit of anger to it, which is where I think like it might be fight or flight kicking in. I think I'm ready for a fight.
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Hannah: I'm going fight because I think
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Katie: For my life! For my own life, which I'm going to.
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Hannah: And what you deserve.
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Katie: Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
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Hannah: And I think fight or flight is all about, um, well, it's adrenaline kicking in, isn't it? And being like, I'm not in a safe place right now, whether physically or mentally, whatever it is, it's like I need to create a space. So therefore, you're like, Right, I'm going to find a house and I'm going to make sure that I've got my needs met. And then am I? Well, then you'll be safe to nest.
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Hannah: And to sleep and to protect.
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Katie: That's exactly what I want to do, I'm like, Right, okay. I'm finding my own place now because, like, I'm sick of being up scuttled by men and aspirations for, like, lovely married life. And I don't actually feel like I need that. I need to just find my own little nest and, like, create a safe space for myself. And then when I get into that, I probably will. Find that I relax and probably am a bit upset, but that's okay because I've got the fight in me now, which is what I need, I think.
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Hannah: Yeah, I think it's important to make use of that energy and momentum as well because I feel quite a few years on like I'm already in a safe space. So why like to like, you know, trying to find a new house and things like that is a bit like, Oh God, do I still have to do this?
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Katie: I know. Yeah, I feel the same. So it'll be like my 15th time. I've moved house since I left home or something like that. And like I'm just like, why do I have to do this again? Like, I really, really don't want to, But then.
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Hannah: Then you really, really do as well. You're like, Yeah, like, this is what I need now and I'm not going to rely on anybody else.
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Katie: And I'm not going to end up in a position where anybody can take that away from me anymore. You know, I'm creating I'm going to create a nest now that nobody's going to kick me out of.
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Hannah: Good. You're going to do your Sex and the City thing.
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Katie: Yes, I am. Yeah. I'm going to get my Carrie Bradshaw apartment that I will never give up. That's the plan.
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Hannah: Is it going to be 90% walk in wardrobe, 10% kitchen?
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Katie: I would hope so, yes. Is there even a kitchen in the Carrie flat?
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Hannah: I don't think so
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Katie: No, I don't think it is. I think she keeps her shoes in the oven, which is an inspiration.
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Hannah: Although, I seem to remember that one of them has sex in her kitchen, so there definitely is one.
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Katie: Oh, yeah, I think you're right. But I think it's also been the bathroom at points.
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Katie: That bit at the start of the apartment.
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Hannah: It's a kitchen slash bathroom.
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Katie: Yeah, it's what we all need.
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Hannah: Well, I look forward to you creating that space.
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Katie: Yeah, Thanks.
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Hannah: And my moving house news is that I found. The house.
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Hannah: It was two minute walk to the beach. It had a beautiful front door, amazing features. It was just about in my budget, but it had enough rooms that I could make it into a bit of a business so I could, you know, get some money back. Um, and I was super excited, had my offer accepted on the Saturday, spent the Sunday being like, Yay, I've got my house Monday morning, Yay. I called them up on Monday afternoon and they were like, Oh, somebody's gazumped you.
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Hannah: Um, and so whoever was also looking at it had come in and said, We'll offer this instead. And the people then went, Oh, actually we would quite like that. So they asked me if I would up my offer, which I did, and I said, I'll only do like offer this on kind of the good faith that if they take it, that's it and they won't accept any more offers.
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Hannah: And then the other people were contacted ahead of me after the offer was accepted and they were like, No, we'll offer more. And then they went back to the other people and they were like, Oh, actually, maybe we will consider this. And I was like, Oh, I'm not playing this.
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Katie: No, that's not fair. Especially when you think that you've got it as well. Like you don't need upset. Yeah.
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Hannah: Twice! Like they'd said twice. Okay, you can have it and we won't accept any more offers. And then they did anyway. And I just felt like I was totally used by the estate agents to like, they're the ones who even suggest it. They were like, We'll go to them and say, You'll only offer this if they don't accept any more offers. And when they got back to me later on in the day and said, Oh, they're just considering the other offer they've had from the other people, I was like, Well, you can tell them I'm not offering any more then, because I just feel like I was used to up, up the, the other people's offers and that's not fair on the other people either, because I wouldn't have offered unless I don't know.
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Katie: It's horrible business isn't it? I've always thought I could never be an estate agent.
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Hannah: Well, it's up to that point. I was like, Oh, selling sunset. I could totally do that.
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Katie: Yeah, no, but you have to mess with people's lives and emotions and.
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Hannah: It's a bit of a dirty game and I don't think everybody does it. I think that these particular estate agents are a little bit renowned for it, unfortunately.
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Katie: Oh, that's sad.
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Hannah: So yeah, they do not get my business and I've, um. And it was really sad because I was there like, well, I genuinely thought that this was the place, like I'd manifested it and it was perfect and I was going to make it work. And then I was like, But when you manifest something, it should be easy.
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Hannah: And this is not easy anymore. This is dirty and it's making me feel bad. So therefore I had to kind of wrestle that afternoon and be a bit like, what are my boundaries here? What am I willing to accept? How far am I going to be pushed? How much am I going to be used? And the answer to all of it is, none of those things. Yeah, like it doesn't, because everyone's like, Oh, get buying a house is like cutthroat and disgusting and dirty. And I'm like, That's not how I want to go into it. Does it really have to be like that?
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Katie: I'm sure it doesn't. Like I guess it depends. Like apparently the property like market is really bad at the minute and there's like tens of offers on every house and stuff like that. But like still, like, I don't think anybody needs to be put through that do they? Like, let's all just live happily together. I don't like the sound of this.
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Hannah: Yeah. So I had to go through a bit of a whirlwind roller coaster process of being like, This is the dream. Oh, I'm going to have to let this go. But I think it was a good lesson in setting boundaries and being like this. I don't want to go into it like this. Yeah. And I don't want the place that I end up living in to have started out, like, in such a difficult birth process.
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Katie: Yeah, I know that's true. Like, you'd always feel weird about that, you know.
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Hannah: Maybe. Or feeling a bit like you were pushed beyond your limits and. And the house had slightly taken advantage of you.
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Katie: Yeah, exactly.
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Hannah: Like maybe you were struggling a bit because you went a bit too far because you were like, I must win. I win things because obviously, you know, I'm quite competitive. There was a bit of that kicking in and like, who do they think they are? I win things.
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Katie: Yeah, yeah.
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Hannah: I will come first. And then I had to go. No. Like I draw the line here. My boundary is I'm not going to be used as a pawn to do some kind of creepy bidding war.
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Katie: No, no you don't need that.
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Hannah: That I don't even want. So, yeah, sad, but, you know, moved on and then had a much more pleasant process with a great house around the corner. It's like five minute walk from where I live now.
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Hannah: And that was through auction.
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Katie: Oh, great.
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Hannah: But I didn't it didn't actually get to auction because I put my bid in and they were like, Yeah, we'll accept it. And then it got taken off and I was like, Ah, oh. So it's this one that I meant to have.
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Katie: Yeah, that's right.
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Hannah: It's easy and it's a doer upper, but
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Katie: So it can actually be not that bad of a process because you've come out of the other end with a property and it wasn't that hard.
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Hannah: Yeah, I mean, let's watch this space because like you say, it's a doer upper. In six months time I might be like, Why the fuck did I buy this place? But in the end it will be my doer upper.
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Katie: Yeah, I'm excited. I've got my overalls on already.
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Hannah: Yay. You say that people always say this. They're like, Let's have a painting party. No fucker ever turns up to a painting by.
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Katie: I've painted people's houses before. I've actually.
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Hannah: Have you?!
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Katie: Yeah, yeah. But I do like it, so.
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Hannah: Okay, well, I'm going to hold you to that.
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Katie: Can't promise I won't paint something inappropriate on the wall first, but. Okay. We'll go over it.
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Hannah: It'll be fine. Yeah, it'll be fine. So. Yeah, but the other thing about this process of buying a house is that you go, Yay, yay, I'm going to do this thing, get all excited and you step into. A few episodes ago we were talking about grieving the Maiden and you have to step into your queen in order to create the life you want. So you step up and you're being all queenie, and then the maiden kicks in and it has another panic attack.
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Hannah: So I've been, like, grappling with that a bit over the last few weeks of being like, Yay, I've got this thing. Oh, my God, I can't do it on my own and I don't want to. And I'm still annoyed that I'm on my own.
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Katie: And like, it's not fair that you should have to do that. Yeah.
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Hannah: So that whole grieving, the maiden process, well, it's a process. Like it's going to keep coming up and then you still have to kind of acknowledge it and be like, it's okay little me.
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Hannah: The me, that's like wants the knight on the horse to come and save me.
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Katie: I know. I just, I think it's a comparison thing because I'm always like, well why did they get to have that? And I've got to do it on my own. It's not fair, you know?
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Hannah: Yeah, but there was also a bit of a moment where I was like, I was dropping the kids off and I told their dad about getting the first house as it happens. And I just had a flash of like, Oh, that was meant to be us.
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Hannah: And I feel really like weird saying it on the podcast, but I did and I really got upset afterwards and was like, Oh fuck, that didn't happen and it didn't work out. And but maybe that was the whole purpose of that dream house was to allow me to have that moment of being like, Oh, we were going to be like the beach babes with the kids that always had sand in their toes. And we were going to have an Airbnb and like, I don't know.
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Katie: Yeah, well, of course.
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Hannah: Like it just sort of flashed before my eyes and I was a bit like, Oh, I'm still really sad that that bit of my dream didn't come true. And don't get me wrong, like, I'm really happy where I am now and I'm like, we definitely shouldn't be together.
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Katie: Yeah, yeah.
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Hannah: But it doesn't mean that you forget all the dreams that you did have.
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Katie: Of course. Yeah. And like, the thing about the dreams of the future is that they're exactly that, aren't they? Like in the Dreams of the future, everything's always perfect. And actually, that never would have happened. But it's okay to still. Think like, Oh, it's a shame. I'm not. I don't have those dreams anymore. You know?
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Hannah: Yeah. It's really weird one and it felt quite hollow and sad. Afterwards. But I think if you just, you know, having a good cry about these things helps get it out.
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Katie: Yeah, I agree
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Hannah: And move on and stuff like that. So yeah. Yes. The good old maidens still going strong.
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Katie: Yeah, I've been thinking about that a lot. It's time to grieve the maiden.
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Hannah: Yeah, definitely. So. I was. A few people have started getting in touch quite regularly about with little questions about stuff.
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Katie: That's nice.
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Hannah: And since we're talking about transitioning, one person got in touch to ask about moving specifically to the coast, like to where we are. And it's um. Like where she currently is. She was like. I'm a bit worried about my son and who he hangs around with. I'd really like. Like she's going through a divorce or separation. I'm not quite sure of all the details. And she's like, Oh, I really want to move to the coast. And but it might be out of my budget. And then the other option is to move back to where her parents are.
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Hannah: And it's like, I don't even fully know what the question is, but it's along the lines of like. I think it's to do with fight or flight.
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Hannah: And when you're in fight or flight, you can have, like, romantic ideals about where you want to be. And and. But also. They don't always match up with what you need.
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Katie: Yeah, that's true.
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Hannah: So the other option would be because, you know, I said it's pretty pricey around here at the moment.
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Katie: Yeah, it is.
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Hannah: And while that's great, if you've got the money or whatever, but you also need the support. And she was saying that she felt like she'd be taking a step back if she went back to live near her parents. But I'm like, but you've got to think about. And affordability. So you don't make your life harder.
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Hannah: Accepting help is huge when you're going through this process, isn't it? It's like people don't I think we go through I think it's probably the queen stepping up and the fight or flight thing being like, I can fucking do this on my own. I don't need anybody else. But at some point your adrenaline gland is going to, like, collapse. Adrenal glands, that's the word. And you can't do it all on your own. So being like you, you do have to think more with your head than your heart at times. And when you're in fight or flight, it's like, try and do it in a way where you can get as much help as possible and you're not making your life hard.
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Katie: Yeah. Yeah. But then also, that doesn't necessarily have to be to do with physical proximity. I don't think. Like the first thing that I did when I realised that I was going to have to find somewhere new to live was like rally the troops. I was like, okay, everybody, I'm like all of my little circle, my parents and everything like that. I was like, This is happening. So like, I don't actually need you to do anything, but like, I just might need some support, you know? And like, and actually, the first thing I did was try and take a couple of days off work, which I did, and go back to my mum's and look at the cows for a couple of days. So I completely understand that want to be with your support system. But I think it's also really important to forge your own path as well. Like, um, because I think. You can have that support without actually having to be with the people all the time. Like just knowing that they're at the other end of the phone is sometimes helpful. Although, having said that, I speak with no children, you know.
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Hannah: That's my main concern is, um.
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Katie: When you need help with child care, you need help with childcare. And that does require physical proximity.
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Hannah: And I think when you're going through the trauma of divorce and separating the life like we talk about it last week about the conflict resolution, like this separation, even when it's amicable, can be really difficult.
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Hannah: And you really can't underestimate how much it takes out of you. Like I'm on the other side. My ex has been away for three weeks. It was an absolute wreck yesterday.
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Katie: Yeah, I bet.
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Hannah: I completely lost it. And because it's just really hard managing all the different things. So to have, you know, I went to my mom and dad's, I go to my mom and dad's almost every Sunday and they live in Durham. But then I've got other support here physically here so that I can lean on other people if I really need it. But the juggle is quite intense, especially if the father of your kids isn't helping out as much. I'm not saying mine doesn't. He has them 50 over 50. Just happens to have been away and I can't wait for him to come home. It's really hard. Yeah. So from that perspective, I just think two things that. That I don't know that really potentially make life easier is not having money worries and having help with your kids. So that then that gives you headspace to worry about your emotional well-being. Any fights that need fighting. Um.
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Katie: I know. Yeah. Money's huge as well isn't it? Like, you know, if you can put yourself in a situation where you're going to have to worry less about money, then that seems like the obvious choice. Um. Yeah, it's interesting.
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Hannah: So good luck.
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Katie: That doesn't really help.
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Hannah: I mean, this is all I basically said to her at the time was like, Don't feel like you're taking a step back if you go to your parents because. You know. I don't know. The area that they live in is a really nice one, and having that emotional and practical support is a big deal.
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Katie: Yeah, yeah, definitely. And there shouldn't be any like, shame or bad feelings to be in next to your parents either, because.
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Hannah: I love it. I wish they would move here.
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Katie: Yeah, I love being with mine as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Hannah: I mean, gosh. Anywhoo. And then the other transitioning question I've had recently was from a friend of mine about whether I was going to change my name
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Katie: Oh yes.
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Hannah: So I from like. I basically have three surnames, but from the bank on my passport point of view, I've kept my married name, so it's the same as the kids. Yeah.
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Katie: That makes sense.
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Hannah: I considered going back to my maiden name, but I was like. It wasn't an exciting enough name. No offence family to to warrant doing that. So I thought
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Katie: Well and also, what's the benefit there?
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Hannah: You know, I think when you're first coming out of it, you're like, I want nothing to do with that name. And then you're like, Oh yeah, I've got kids with that name. So yes, I mean, it's all personal preference. Like this is just what I considered - decided to do in the end. And then what I have done is changed my working name to Harvey.
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Katie: Yes. I call Hannah Harvington sometimes. Which is your fourth name? Harvington
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Hannah: I actually prefer that.
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Katie: Okay. Well, you know.
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Hannah: Is it too late to.
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Katie: No I don't think so. Welcome to Happily Ever After with Hannah Harvington.
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Hannah: It's much better.
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Katie: I like it.
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Hannah: But yeah. Harvey meant strength.
00:23:55 - 00:23:55
00:23:56 - 00:24:14
Hannah: Or means strength. And I was like, oh, that's a good one. Because obviously when I first started back up this time last year, I was. Working on the divorce retreat and all that kind of stuff. And I felt like Harvey was because it means strength was like a really good second name to choose.
00:24:14 - 00:24:16
Katie: Yeah, and I love the two H's.
00:24:16 - 00:24:22
Hannah: I mean, I like. I like the idea of the alliteration. The only downside is it also sounds like a porn name.
00:24:22 - 00:24:28
Katie: Haha yeah, but that's only because it is the name of a porn star. Like it doesn't sound like a porn name.
00:24:29 - 00:24:31
Hannah: What's your porn name? It's my name.
00:24:31 - 00:24:37
Katie: It's my actual name. Yeah. That's just. That's just a coincidence though.
00:24:37 - 00:24:49
Hannah: What can you do? And then you also found out afterwards. Found out like my kid's dad pointed out. He was like, Don't you remember? That was my favourite name. And I wanted to call Ruben that. And I was like,
00:24:50 - 00:24:52
Katie: Oh, no.
00:24:52 - 00:24:54
Hannah: Errr I'd forgotten. Isn't that weird?
00:24:54 - 00:24:59
Katie: Yeah. Oh, that is weird. Because why didn't you like it when you were naming your kid?
00:25:00 - 00:25:05
Hannah: I think it was going to be Nancy's name. If she was going to be a boy. And I'd forgotten entirely.
00:25:05 - 00:25:06
Katie: Huh. That's weird.
00:25:06 - 00:25:36
Hannah: Really weird. I also had this, like, list of names, so I was going through all the, like, the meanings of different H words and one of them. I just written it down and wrote it as a list and then sent it over to Natalie. And one of them was Haddock, because it meant something like powerful or resilient. And she was like, Yeah, definitely call yourself Hannah Haddock.
00:25:38 - 00:25:40
Katie: Hannah smoked haddock.
00:25:40 - 00:25:40
00:25:41 - 00:25:49
Katie: Yeah. That's not a good one. But I decided not to do that. No. I do really like the idea of picking your own name, though. I think it's a very feminist move. Good one.
00:25:49 - 00:26:00
Hannah: Thank you. And then, at least in some ways, I'm moving away from my kids surname, so it kind of keeps them. Away from what I'm doing, if that makes sense.
00:26:00 - 00:26:02
Katie: Oh, that's true. Because you're public.
00:26:02 - 00:26:09
Hannah: I'm a public ish person, so therefore my pen name is not the same as my children's name.
00:26:09 - 00:26:13
Katie: Yeah, that makes sense. Hmm. Interesting.
00:26:13 - 00:26:18
Hannah: I don't think it would take much to, like, work out who I am, but equally, um.
00:26:19 - 00:26:22
Katie: Yeah, no, you're right. That's a good. That's a good idea.
00:26:22 - 00:26:31
Hannah: Yeah. So that's that. What else have we got? Oh, um. Dating?
00:26:31 - 00:26:39
Katie: Yes. That's the thing that I want to be furthest away from in the world right now.
00:26:39 - 00:26:58
Hannah: Well, this is what we were discussing earlier. It seems quite interesting that we're in a similar place like I am. I spoke about it on the podcast a while ago. I am dating or I was on the dating apps and been seeing a nice guy. The Surveyor?
00:26:58 - 00:26:59
Katie: Yes, the surveyor.
00:26:59 - 00:27:21
Hannah: Who's been helping me with the house. And he's really nice. We've already established several times that there are some fundamental differences in our love languages, so that has been an issue. But he's a really lovely guy. But in amongst this we kind of weren't seeing each other and I went on a date with somebody else.
00:27:22 - 00:27:23
Katie: And how did that go?
00:27:23 - 00:28:01
Hannah: Katie. I don't understand the point of any of. The dating apps and just the whole vibe is absolute bullshit. So I've come straight off again because I don't like it. It's got this weird energy about it. Yeah, but yeah, I went on a date with this particular guy. I was like, Well, he looks mental, but maybe. Maybe he's really interesting and nice and he, you know, it was fine. We went on a walk and the crack was all right, and he was very keen.
00:28:02 - 00:28:05
Katie: I was going to say, good there. But no, that's not necessarily a good thing.
00:28:05 - 00:28:06
Katie: It's nice to be wanted.
00:28:06 - 00:28:07
Katie: I guess. Yeah.
00:28:07 - 00:28:12
Hannah: You know, you don't want to go out with somebody with deep apathy towards you.
00:28:13 - 00:28:15
Katie: No, that's true. Yeah.
00:28:16 - 00:28:19
Hannah: He was like, I really like you. Really want to see you again. I'll see you Friday.
00:28:19 - 00:28:20
Katie: Yeah, that's nice.
00:28:20 - 00:28:28
Hannah: He then started sending me lots and lots of photos of his chihuahuas.
00:28:31 - 00:28:33
Katie: Is that a metaphor?
00:28:33 - 00:28:45
Hannah: No, unfortunately not. He has four and he dresses them up and he literally looked like action man. And he had these. So that was a bit of a like interesting.
00:28:45 - 00:28:46
00:28:46 - 00:28:49
Hannah: But, you know, people like their dogs. I like dogs.
00:28:49 - 00:28:50
00:28:50 - 00:29:05
Hannah: So I thought benefit of the doubt. The next day I had solo childcare duties and, you know, had been for quite some time because their dad's away and just didn't have a chance to reply.
00:29:06 - 00:29:06
Katie: Right. Yes.
00:29:07 - 00:29:10
Hannah: And then he blocked me.
00:29:13 - 00:29:15
Katie: I mean, like I just so.
00:29:15 - 00:29:23
Hannah: Replied and said, I'm really sorry. I haven't had a chance all day. It's really busy at the moment. I'll catch up with you tomorrow. Yeah. And he blocked me.
00:29:24 - 00:29:27
Katie: I mean, you know what? I'm really pleased about this.
00:29:27 - 00:29:30
Hannah: This is a 48 year old man.
00:29:32 - 00:29:33
Katie: With four Chihuahuas.
00:29:34 - 00:29:37
Hannah: I mean, yeah, there's nothing wrong with having dogs.
00:29:37 - 00:29:39
Katie: No, there isn't. You're right.
00:29:39 - 00:29:44
Hannah: How much are you expecting from another person that they can't be a bit busy?
00:29:44 - 00:29:47
Katie: Yeah, I could not stand that. I couldn't like
00:29:47 - 00:29:50
Hannah: I just think it's unacceptable behaviour.
00:29:50 - 00:29:59
Katie: It is unacceptable behaviour. Some people are really needy. And I guess that's okay if you were okay with that, but I certainly would not be.
00:29:59 - 00:30:03
Hannah: I just Where's the empathy? Where's the care? Where's the like.
00:30:04 - 00:30:04
Katie: I mean, maybe.
00:30:04 - 00:30:08
Hannah: Have you had a hard day? I'm really sorry. I hope you're okay. Let's catch up tomorrow.
00:30:10 - 00:30:14
Katie: Yeah. Oh, God, It's so horrible. Dating apps are the worst.
00:30:14 - 00:30:17
Hannah: Yeah. After that experience, I was like, No.
00:30:17 - 00:30:27
Katie: I mean, doesn't sound like it doesn't sound like a big winner anyway for me. So. Nothing. Nothing wrong with Chihuahuas. No, no.
00:30:27 - 00:31:05
Hannah: I mean, I love a little dog. Absolutely no problem. But anyway, so that was that. So we have decided no dating apps. I'm going to see how it goes with my lovely surveyor guy with all his itchy issues with actually physically seeing each other and mismatching love languages. Yeah, but I think either way we're going to be friends because he's very nice. Yeah, that's nice. Um, but yeah, creating space. Yeah. Creating nesting areas to be ourselves and to protect ourselves is also big.
00:31:05 - 00:31:18
Katie: I also just think like, I don't know, it's the furthest thing from my mind right now. I'm like, Right, okay, I need to get myself settled and sorted and like then figure out what I want. Because like
00:31:18 - 00:31:28
Hannah: It's the foundations isn't it? Your home is literally like when things feel chaotic in your home, you're chaotic in your life.
00:31:28 - 00:31:32
Katie: Yeah. And I just don't need anybody else involved with that. It's time to think about me for a bit.
00:31:32 - 00:31:34
Hannah: Too, right Katie. and me. Don't forget me.
00:31:34 - 00:31:35
Katie: and Hannah as well. Yeah.
00:31:38 - 00:31:38
00:31:38 - 00:31:39
Katie: Harvington as well.
00:31:42 - 00:32:11
Hannah: And I the other thing that I've. So when I split up with the art teacher, a big thing for me then was like, I really need to make more friends and like feel settled here, like in this area because this is where I want to live. Mhm. So I think having like doing and doing fun things and having nice friends through that, like hobby has really made a difference over the last few months.
00:32:11 - 00:32:18
Katie: Yeah, that's nice. So it would make a difference to you because you're an extrovert, you know, you need that. Like,
00:32:19 - 00:32:24
Hannah: So when I drag you out, did you like, so when I dragged you out earlier and made you like sit next to me and do journaling, was that all right?
00:32:25 - 00:32:34
Katie: Yeah, I really liked that because. But if I hadn't felt like it at the time, I would have just been like, I can't be bothered. I don't want to. But I did want to. So.
00:32:34 - 00:32:35
Hannah: Okay. That's good.
00:32:35 - 00:32:36
00:32:36 - 00:32:37
Hannah: So it won't always work?
00:32:37 - 00:32:52
Katie: No. And also, like, I will go home now and spend a little bit of time alone, which is what I need. Whereas you, like when you're feeling down, need to be with other people as well, which is great, you know?
00:32:52 - 00:33:10
Hannah: Yeah. But my version of that would be I'm going to go sit on the beach where other people are but not speak to them. Yeah. Or I'm going to walk all the way to somewhere but past a lot of people. Yeah. Because it means that there is an opportunity for interaction. Yeah. And I'm still seeing other people, but I'm not having to. I'm still having my alone time.
00:33:10 - 00:33:16
Katie: Yeah. Yeah. See, I don't. I want to be alone.
00:33:16 - 00:33:19
Hannah: I want to sit with my plants on my own.
00:33:19 - 00:33:24
Katie: I do. I want to sit with my plants. That's exactly it. And my cat. And that's all really I need. Oh, I know.
00:33:25 - 00:33:42
Hannah: Well, if you're not like Katie and you would like to, actually, no, that doesn't work. What? As it say, alone time for an extrovert is still alone time. You don't want to do it with somebody else. But if anybody is looking for a friend and something new to do, you can come and hang out with us, can't they?
00:33:42 - 00:33:56
Katie: Yeah, they can. And the other thing is, like the regardless of the fact that I'm an introvert, sometimes I need I really benefit with being with people. Like I will have benefited from sitting with you and doing some journaling and going in the sea. Definitely.
00:33:56 - 00:34:15
Hannah: Good. Well, the next time I'm going to do that. So with some of the people that have been in touch with me and my new friends that I'm making, Yes, good. I'm going to do a dip on Saturday at ten and then do yoga at 11 at the bound
00:34:15 - 00:34:16
00:34:16 - 00:34:26
Hannah: So with some. Yeah. With one of these ladies who was asking a question and then another lady, a new friend who came and dipped the other day. So if anybody wants to do that.
00:34:27 - 00:34:28
Katie: Well I'll be there for yoga.
00:34:28 - 00:34:29
Hannah: Do you fancy dipping?
00:34:29 - 00:34:31
Katie: Maybe the dip? Maybe.
00:34:31 - 00:34:32
Hannah: But you'll be there for yoga.
00:34:32 - 00:34:33
Katie: I'll definitely be there for yoga.
00:34:33 - 00:34:34
Hannah: So if you want to join me.
00:34:37 - 00:34:40
Katie: And I'll. And I'll be there for yoga. Come to yoga. Yeah.
00:34:42 - 00:34:44
Hannah: Good. Good chat.
00:34:44 - 00:34:45
Katie: Yes, I enjoyed that.
00:34:47 - 00:34:48
Hannah: We always say good chat at the end. Now.
00:34:49 - 00:34:50
Katie: It was a good chat.
00:34:50 - 00:34:53
Hannah: Good chat. Cool. Thank you, Katie.
00:34:53 - 00:34:54
Katie: Okay, Bye
00:34:54 - 00:34:54
00:34:57 - 00:35:37
Hannah: All right then. Thank you so much for listening and I'll see you again next time for another episode of Happily Ever After with me, Hannah. It would be amazing if you could leave a review and subscribe. And of course, if you've got a friend who might enjoy this episode, please do pass it on. For anything else, you can get in touch with me through Instagram @Mumsdays or by my website Mumsdays.com. And did you know that I've got a newsletter? So it's the best way to stay in touch and to make sure you don't miss any podcasts or any freebies or competitions that we're running. And again, you can sign up to that through the website.