H: Hello, and welcome to happily ever after. It's me, Hannah. We're back. And I've brought Katie you back. Hello.
K: Hi, everybody.
H: Yes, we've had a little break.
K: We have.
H: It’s exactly two months to the day. To the day since I was last in recording podcasts.
H: I know. It's not in terms of when we actually had the last one come out. But yeah, two months off. And I can't say I feel like I've had a break.
K: No, we've also taken a break from my other stuff that I do for work as well. And I don't feel like I've had a break either. Really? So
H: I feel like we're doing rest wrong.
H: We can cover that. Shortly. How's the last two months been?
K: Yeah, it’s been okay. We've had Christmas. So that was a thing. T hat takes up loads of time and effort doesn’t it. That's annoying, but nice. I guess. God that's really negative.
H: I know. We were like - we need to come back here with like, back to school New Year energy. And we're both like, Oh, God, I didn't feel like I've had a rest.
K: I know. And I don't but also I do feel a lot better than before the new year, because I- like I prefer to just get all of that stuff out of the way. And then when once it gets to January, it's getting lighter all the time outside. We're approaching spring and the snow drops have come and it's a good time of year actually. So I do feel okay about it. I just haven't had like an amazing two months off.
H: Like we didn't go to a desert island. And drink out of coconuts.
H: Rest on a beach and read loads of books. But we had- my mum always says like a change is as good as the rest.
H: It’s not, but yknow.
K: So it's nice to be back.
H: It is lovely to be back. And we've got some really exciting guests coming on.
K: We do.
H: So next week, we have got Dr. Alka Patel. And I'm very excited about this because we're talking about burnout.
H: Which is the reason I wanted to break in the first place. I was like, If I don't take a rest. I felt like something was gonna snap in my head. And if I'm honest, like coming back in a few days ago was like, Oh, I still feel like that. So there's got to be something else. You can't just stop everything. Like there needs to be something else. So I really feel very strongly that Dr. Alka can help us because I know that she experienced severe burnout to the point where she was hospitalised and she's completely transformed her life. Her biological age is 30 years younger than she is.
H: So I'm like I need.. Taking time out is clearly not the answer, because I don't feel rested. So there must be something that we need to do consistently day to day. That will make a difference to how we feel.
K: Yeah. I also think it's about how you spend your time, isn't it?
H: Yeah, like mindfully taking time off. But I need to understand how to rest.
H: And so do you, right?
K: Yeah, totally.
H: Yeah. Like, what is it I actually need to do, but like, because napping during the day just means I'd sleep badly at night, that kind of thing. So that's not the solution. Yeah,
K: I feel like I spent two weeks watching this morning, which was lovely. I enjoyed my day time…
H: Did you enjoy that?
K: Yeah, I actually really did but also like, I feel like I could have done better stuff to make myself feel more nourished and well rested. And, like taking care of my mind better during that time, you know, it wasn't exactly the most riveting of activities. And so I don't know whether it's actually really done me all that good.
H: Interesting, but you did also do something else during that time.
K: Did I?
H: Yeah Katie. You got yourself a new job.
K: Oh, yeah!
K: I did do that. You’re right. Forgotten about that.
H: Yeah, so left to your own devices. You just go off on one and get a job!?
K: Yeah.. When I was telling Nathalie about this, she was like, Well, this is what happens when I let you have holiday time.
H: That’s exactly how I felt.
H: That was the highest noise I've ever made.
K: It was good.
H: Really high pitched. I mean, I'm thrilled for you. And I am really happy. And I hope that you have lots of fun. And it's what you want it and you feel settled. So you definitely have done stuff. And I think.
K: Yeah. It was intentional to do it then. And but maybe, you know, taking holidays so that you can look for a new job. Although that's not really what I did. It just just happened to coincide. But it's not the most restful of activities, I suppose. Is it trying to find a new job, so..
H: Going for an interview and things like that?
H: But the fact that happens so quickly and easily. In my mind, you know how I like a bit of universe shizzle.
H: If it's easy, and it flows, it's right.
K: Yeah. And I, I shouldn't say this, I guess because I'll curse it. But - I tend to have that sort of luck with things. If I'm like, right, okay. That's when I'm gonna do it. Put the good, good feelings out into the universe then it does work for me. Yeah.
H: Yeah. So you've given yourself permission to get that thing because you did feel for a little while that you were maybe stuck in a posi- certain role.
H: From a career point of view.
K: Yeah, this is really good for me, because I guess like, I'm going back into the business world, which is something I been a little bit out of for a while. And I think it's gonna be good for my self esteem.
K: So yeah, like it's a good this, is a good move for me.
K: Although I will miss deeply working with you. Of course.
H: Of course. So yeah, Katie normally helps me produce a podcast. And yeah, so she can't do any more.
K: Yeah, but I'll still come on.
H: You could still come and talk to me.
H: Better do.
K: I will. I need to update you with things. To everybody on the internet. Not just you.
H: There’ll be people listening to this that were like, Oh, my God. Katie.
K: No, don't worry.
H: How will I know how her datings going?
K: Yeah you’ll still get kept up to date with the minutiae of my life.
H: Good. So after Dr. Alka, we've then got, is it Rie next?
H: Talking about how to spot red flags in relationships, which is going to be amazing. So she's working with teenage girls. And boys, I believe. But specifically girls, is the campaign to help educate people. Like prevention is better than cure. Right?
H: To avoid getting into abusive relationships. So that's cool. Because we spot red flags all over the place, don't we?
K: Yeah. And it's something that I'm trying to be much more mindful of, actually. I've been having a bit of a bad time in the dating world I suppose. And I've had some negative experiences that have like, totally put me off it. So trusting my gut, and knowing how to spot red flags is definitely something that I want to learn more about.
H: Yeah. And being- because I think we just- I don't know whether it's a naivety or something's changed. But I do feel like I'm learning this stuff now, as opposed to back in the day when it would have I don't know, just would have avoided some of the awful growing up stuff, I guess.
K: Yeah. I know. Well, like it's all education. That's like, pretty essential, isn't it that we just didn't have when we were kids. So
H: Yeah, and I do still feel like there's a glamorised thing around having challenging relationships.
K: Yeah. Definitely.
H: That it’s gotta hurt and all that kind of stuff. So I'm really excited to talk to her and the work that she's doing so she's an ex police officer as well. So she's got a huge background in basically aiding women when they're at crisis point. And for her, she wanted to go back to, you know, the beginning and educate people that way, which so I think that's awesome. And I'm looking forward to speaking to her. And then we've got Sophie on.
K: Yes. Great.
H: And she's talking about well, it's, she's like, a bit different to us, isn't she? She’s- Yeah, the there's lots of different attachment styles. Both you and I are more anxious?
K: I’m kind of both
H: Are you anxious avoidant?
H: So I'm anxious, which means I'll go into a relationship and be like, please love me, please love me. I'll do whatever it takes. You're standoffish and anxious.
H: Anxious avoidant. So you'll avoid people but also want them to love you.
H: And then Sophie is a more of the, I guess avoidant. I don't know if that's fair. It might just be she's got actual boundaries. She understands how to do relationships. But she took a long time between her previous relationship to finding the person that she's with now. So she's sort of talking about being comfortable being single finding your identity. And then also, how to honour that once you do find the right person.
H: And how to continue to do all the things that you did for yourself as a single person once you've actually found the love of your life.
K: Yeah. Which I think is really important. Yeah.
H: Yeah. Which leads me nicely onto something I've been doing actually, Katie. Oh,
K: Oh yes. Go on.
H: I’ve fallen in love
K: Oh, how nice. Tell us about that.
H: Well, I can’t say too much because he'll kill me. But we'll call him the fireman.
K: Yeah, I love how they've all got names. This is so wonderful.
H: But you know how we've talked about relationship ethics quite a few times. There's Claire Venus was the first person we talked to about it. So dig out that episode in the show notes. And then I talked to Amber, about being on a dating ban. So I decided that's what I needed to do, I needed to take a break, break some old cycles, some of this anxious. attachment style, focus on what I need. Bloody hell, it was fascinating. Being single is actually was very uncomfortable and difficult for me. And it was very linked to my cycle. So I noticed that week before I ovulate, my body was like you need male attention. Otherwise, you don't count. And it's just basically your body being like, are you meant to became pregnant?
K: Yes. Yeah, I find mine very cyclical. Cyclicals the word, isn't it? But my body doesn't necessarily- I don't have any concept of when I'm menstruating, because I don't. So I never know what it's related to. But I'm definitely up and down in my neediness for men.
H: Yeah. And it was a fascinating to see that and observe it and be like, No, you don't. But yeah, so I made friends with somebody organically through a shared interest of going in the sea, I don't know if I've mentioned it. And we just started friend dating.
K: Which I think is great. Like, it's so nice to get to know somebody before there's any sort of romantic I don't know. The word I want to use this stigma. Obviously, romance isn't always stigmatised is it, but like..
H: once you have made made the declaration, there's a certain pattern you're meant to follow I guess. Like oh, right, so now we're meant to kiss. And now we're meant to do this. And now we're meant to have sex and it speeds everything up.
H: Which I think is where dating apps make it tricky, because you haven't got that time to get to know someone because you already feel under pressure.
K: Yeah. And it's like, we both know what we're here for.
H: Like let’s just snog already.
K: Yeah. Let's find out if we like each other. Yeah. But but that's the more important thing to find out whether you like each other as friends first.
H: Yeah. So yeah, we had lots of nice walking dates and just hanging out and at the time, I was like, I'm on a relationship ban. And then I just reached a point where I was like, Oh, I don't need to anymore. This is just something I've imposed on myself. The rules the rules of getting in the sea every day, the rule that I'm not going to date anyone. But I'd written out all my relationship ethics, so I was able to look back at them and be like, does- is he what I was looking for?
H: And I'd specifically put how will I know if I've met him? Like, how will I know? And I don't know if it's okay to say online, but basically, I said, I'll tell you anyway, I said, I will feel safe and excited.
H: I was like, ah, I do feel like that?
K: Yeah. And was one of them must be fireman.
H: Well, do you know what's weird about that? Is I've talked about it in the fairy tale episode. But I had a fear of fire. Like a chronic fear of fire to the point where in my head, it was like an intrusive thought that was gonna get trapped in a fire with the kids. And we wouldn't be able to get out and I won't be able to save them. And I was like, it's so fascinating that he's actually a fireman.
K: Yeah, it is, although..
H: Like metaphorically. Yeah, he's obviously you know, never, touch wood, never want to be stuck in any fires and him to have to save me but from a place in my head because the fire was only ever in my head.
H: He can come and be the balm to that.
K: Great. Oh, how nice.
H: He’s absolutely the best
K: Aren’t we happy for her. How nice.
H: He’s got a massive ginger dog. He's actually russet gold.
K: Right. Yeah, I’m pleased you said dog.
K: I know, silly.
H: Interesting year to come. Lots of changes. And I feel like obviously, the break we took has meant that loads of changes have come about.
H: I feel like they might not have happened if we hadn't taken time off.
K: No, I think you're right. And I don't know, I just feel like this is going to be a year of change a little bit. I kind of like hate to fit into the yearly cycle, like everything's meant to, you know, like, it's like, you can start new things. And you can change yourself anytime. It doesn't have to be January, you know, but also, it is a nice time to get a bit of a fire under you and to do that sort of stuff, isn't it?
H: I’m not there yet.
H: I feel like well, I’m- because of what I do now with all the yoga and the people that I hang out with, my cycles, much more tied to the Chinese New Year.
K: Yeah, of course. Yeah.
And we're coming to the end of like, rabbit water year, which is lots of like deep diving H: going deep. Things are happening really fast. But it's tough. Like when you go deep in your own shadows. It's not fun. And there's been a lot of that. And now we're moving into dragon year.
K: Oh, nice!
H: And it's so it was water. And now we're into wood, which is the energy of like doing, being like getting on with stuff.
K: I like that.
H: And it's a dragon, like dragons are fierce.
H: as fuck.
H: So we're gonna have that energy behind us.
H: I feel like I'm just ringing out the last of the things that needed to die. And, you know, the last year was the year that I- my divorce finally came through. Yeah. So that ended. There was a few other big horrible things that happened in the middle. And it's like, okay, process that. Now we're ready to sow the seeds. Wood energy is also spring. So it's like life is bursting.
H: So this year could be pretty massive for everybody. And we're all going to be busy doing doing doing.
K: That’s good. I like- I like that energetic moving forward stuff.
H: Yeah. Like if you felt stuck, this should be a time that we started to feel unstuck. But, so Jambo’s advice. Jambo who was on the podcast a while ago. Katie's like writing all these things down. Must link to Jambo. He was telling us about how you have to be careful when the energy is like this to make sure you stay grounded. You don't get overwhelmed.
K: Yeah. And I bet it's easy to like, get ahead of yourself as well, or
H: feel like everybody's doing- because everybody is going to be super busy. You need to stay in your lane. Stay focused on what's really important to you and what you focus on, is the thing that's going to explode. If you're focusing on negatives. That's gonna explode So focus on.. So for me, it's writing the book, making sure that my coaching package, so for like divorcees, people wanting to get into sobriety, that kind of thing. Make sure that package is ready to go. And it should hopefully, take off, but I need to not get distracted by shiny objects, which you know, I'm prone to do. I'm like, oh, I should be doing this. And I should be doing that. But it's like, no, this is what I need to focus on this year. And if I do that dragon energy should be epic.
K: Yes. Yeah. It's good.
H: And you’re focusing on being a business woman.
K: I am, yeah. I know, it's sort of like I've had- I've sort of felt like I needed to do something about my work situation for a little while now. Actually, since I have been single, like, I think I have a tendency in the back of my head. And we've talked about this before, to just think, well, maybe a man will come along, and then finance won't be an issue anymore. But now I've decided like, and I never, I've never relied solely on a man's income, either. Not there's anything wrong with that. But it's, it's not that big of a step for me to be prioritising my financial needs. But that's what I've decided I'm going to do now. There's no, there's no thought in the back of my head going, well, maybe I'll just meet a man and be rich anyway. It's like, it’s up to me now.
H: Stepping into queen energy.
K: Yeah exactly. That's what I'm doing. Yeah.
H: You’ve grieved your maiden. And now you're like doing it for yourself.
K: Yeah. And so like, now, I feel like now that that problems kind of ticked off a little bit. It's making some space in my head to worry about other things, but you know.
H: in a probably positive, proactive way?
K: No, I'm worried about- I'm worried about romance and dating, you know, like,
H: are you?
K: Yeah, yeah, definitely. Like, I just had a negative experience with dating before Christmas. And it's put me off going on the apps. It's put me off, like, putting myself out there and making my.. Like, you know, how we you say like, you've got to make the universe aware that you're available. And put that kind of energy out there. Like, I don’t want to do that at the minute.
H: You don’t need to do that on the apps.
K: No you don’t, no. But like, I just I feel very closed off at the minute. It's made me feel a bit closed off.
H: And is that okay? Can you not do that?
K: I guess is fine. Yeah, I guess it is for now.
H: I’d be like, That's okay, we can take some time to get set up in my new job. And yeah, get my house the way that I want it.
K: You’re right. That is the focus.
H: You do not need a man.
K: No, I don’t, no. I don't.
H: And I bet he works with you anyway.
K: Do you think?
H: You’re gonna meet him through this job. I think that's why it's happened.
K: Maybe? We'll see.
H: It’s gonna be organic.
K: Yeah. Watch this space everybody.
H: And orgasmic
K: Is it?
H: I think we've got to the end of my list.
H: Oh, no. The other one was. So we’ve spoken to Sophie. And then we're going to speak to Dan.
H: Dan is coming on,
H: to talk about his journey in recovery and how he- because a big thing about the book I'm writing is trying to work out- There's a lot around addiction, and I believe you can be addicted to lots of different things. Obviously, I've quit drinking. But I also think I was addicted to the drama within my old relationship. And then that pattern kind of continued on and it was a bit of a sabotage for me.
H: Like searching for this, the massive highs and lows that you can get in relationships. Like it's all worth it, the lows because the highs are so incredible, and so intense, when actually, you don't have to live on a roller coaster, and it's not great for your body. But recognising that is one thing and then it's also understanding why the fuck you did it in the first place. Like why am I searching for that? And I really resonate with Dan's story because he just is so honest about why he felt that he ended up drinking in the first place. And it's like filling this void of not being enough.
H: and not feeling like you belong. And for him, it was you know, racial abuse and stuff like that. That sent him down a path that ended up well, you'll hear the story. It's pretty intense.
H: but the amazing thing is he was at such a low and now he's recovering and has been for five years.
K: That’s an amazing story.
H: Yeah. So yeah, it's that whole understanding why we do certain things. That is really interesting to me at the moment. And hopefully, this book will be finished soon.
H: And then, yeah,
K: it’s really good, everybody. You're in for a treat.
H: You’ve only read the first bit.
K:Well, yeah. But I liked it.
H: Thanks Katie. So yeah, well, you are on the episode in a few weeks time with Sophie.
K: I am, yes. I’m on that one too talk about dating.
H: And then, I’ll get you back in again soon, I hope.
K: No, don't be like that.
K: No, honestly, thank you so much for everything you've done. This podcast wouldn't even be a podcast if it weren't for you. So
K: Well, it's been an absolute pleasure to be part of it. And I will I will continue on, you guys won't notice a difference. So don't worry.
H: They might when there's no podcast being put up. No, it's gonna be good. I'm excited for both of us. I feel like we kind of developed a bit of a codependent relationship.
H: Like don't ever leave me. You're like, Yes, I have to.
K: Yeah, no, I do though.
H: Okay, I'll manage my inner maiden will cope.
K: It will.
H: Well, good luck. Yeah, catch you soon. Thanks Katie.
K: Okay. Bye.